Thursday, May 22, 2008 ;
you should REALLY learn to shut the HELL UP.
likey ou understand anyway. you think it's just going for class and that settles it? we have assignments to rush out, projects to complete, deadlines to meet. you think if it was that easy i'd really be that tired? you think there's nothing to study for? we have tests and exams bloody mind you. as if you know right.
you don't even bloody bother to check what's going on, what i'm really doing. everytime i on the laptop you just ASSUME that i'm wasting my time doing something really stupid. LIKE I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP? LIKE I DON'T WANT TO REST? LIKE I DON'T WANT TO GIVE MYSELF A FUCKING BREAK?!
come on right! i've not even said a word of complaint to you about anything. why do you just have to bloody hell just assume everything?! honestly it's damn frustrating okay. like hell you know that i don't eat properly. LIKE HELL YOU KNOW! i know enough to know that i can't afford to skip my meals alright.
and to add to that, yes i snack alot too. just because i slimmed down doesn't mean i've gone on a bloody diet. like fuck i'm the last person who'd do that. which obviously just shows how bloody well you know your own daughter.
of course i hang out on weekends. it's the ONLY time i ever have to hang out alright. HOW FUCKING EARLY AM I SUPPOSED TO REACH HOME WHEN CLASS ENDS AT FREAKING TEN PM AND SCHOOL'S LIKE HALF THE FREAKIN MAP AWAY FROM HOME.
you really bloody pissed me off tonight! REALLY PISSED ME OFF I WANT TO JUST SCREAM FUCK IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how amusing this is the only way i can vent my frustrations. SO BLOODY AMUSING.
i'm tired and you can tell. the only thing that's holding me back from my sleep is my unfinished project. and the only thing that's holding me back from my unfinished project is you and your never ending verbal vomit. and funnily enough, you're the one forcing me to sleep RIGHT NOW.
O THANKS SO MUCH MAN.
OOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yah yah yah. she loves me alot more than i will ever know and this is just how all mother's show their love anyway.
whatever shit you've got to say, i'm really too pissed to take it in right now.
GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE WILL DANCE ; 9:16 AM
Saturday, May 17, 2008 ;
and i dont know how to change the basic font colour of my poor old abandoned blog to something visible instead of white. i dont even know how it became white in the first place because since samm did up the page for me i've not meddled with the settings ever :( o well. not as if anyone still comes here anymore.
okay today you finally came to talk to me. but o well.
raymond sent us back again today and the traffic was horrendous for some reason we totally cannot comprehend.
we finally got to talk again after such a long time man. omglah! we're both from swiss cottage and we never even knew. he and his terrible reputation.
OH and today! i was so glad i decided to just let it all go and sing, sing just to enjoy. sing just because i like to sing. sing just because that's what He loves about me. and i really really honestly had loads of fun!! crazy man! :) dancing all over the stage in heels is quite an accomplishment hahah :) it makes me anticipate camp even more!
arhhh i can't wait eh. really. but my dear ahpa is not going! :( i feel so cheated. he's supposed to be the camp commandant and look after me and give me special favour and treat me like the best daughter that i am haha! better still if mummy came along but o well.
but i'm super super excited for the women's meeting with pauline! :) sweeeet man, feminine dresscode. like finally dressy heels and all :)) and we'll ALL be in it together.
o Dad, i'm going Home.. to the place where feeling good and Love don't cost a thing. i've been away for far too long now. i'm so tired. all i wanna do now is to just collapse in Your open arms. i know You've been waiting. i've been running in circles man and i need to stop that. i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so so tired. please be there to catch me when i fall. You know i hate having ugly scars on my knees. they hurt. and i don't want to hurt.
alright :)
at least with You i know i'm safe. always.
WE WILL DANCE ; 8:40 AM
Friday, May 16, 2008 ;
SAVE YOUR BLOODY MONEY BOK!
IT'S NOT EVEN SMART ANYMORE, JUST LIKE, BASIC!
from next month on,
- no cabbing to work (because i'll wake up on time every morning)
- only cab when it's really really necassary
- which means less late nights unless we drive out
- perhaps i should just get the massage package and stop splurging on individual massages
- don't buy anything until you absolutely heart it like heart it like
reallyomgdivinefromheavenheartitlikenothingintheworldcouldbebetter
- but i really need to repair some of my heels so that's a truly worthy cause, cos if i repair them i won't need to buy more! :)
- eat cheap? HAHA (byebye O Tapas, Timbre, NYDC, bombers... ... ...)
okay you know what. it's just this month. because i had to pay for camp and the stupid passport :( thats already half the salary gone yah. okay lah, i'm not that bad with my money alrights. hahaha i buy stuff for the parents and the home from time to time! :)
anyway 2am dessertbar is so good so good just that we should probably go down a lil earlier and get the sofas :D
O Tapas really depends on who you go with and what for haha cos actually it isn't that bad. o and very importantly, what time you go!
Timbre is still a favourite :) no questions asked if the Goodfellas are on that night :) it'd be mildly hilarious if like say, babu morely and i go together or sth.
and gosh the random plan for Phuture which totally didn't work out in the end. HAHA what were we thinking! and to think who they met there that night! if i'd been there it would have been extremely tickling.
:) life's been alright i guess. actually i pretty much came here to complain but once i started typing i realised i've not much to really complain about haha. been good, projects are still tiring me out here and there, as is schoolwork.. but it'll pass. c'mon bok, like four more mths officially? three more minus practicum mth.
WE CAN DO THIS!!!
haha gosh. sometimes i'm not sure if i should be thankful or irritated with you. because you always tell me that you wanna meet but you never do. 'oh i thought i wanna ask you out for dinner' or like 'oh i thought i could go with you' and i've never rejected you flat in your face!
i just leave the deciding to you but it seems you just never decide.
:) perhaps i should give up waiting.
because why should i.. why should i wait when i'm not even sure if you're worth it.
sure, i love it when you go 'eh we go together lah' and i smile to myself when you go 'oh i thought i could go with you' but. but. i dunno.
yeah, i wish we could sit downstairs again, just us and the dumb beer, with you playing with my hair and asking me dumb questions like 'what would you do if a guy just suddenly kissed you?' and i sort of wished you had but whatever. it's just a girl thing. is it? or it's just a bok thing.
you know what. i'm going crazy and i need to sleep.
GOD! yes i want a relationship even though i know i'm sorta not ready for one because i kinda suspect i'll make him my world and not You. but i want! maybe i just want that security of always having someone to meet, someone to call, someone to talk to, after the whole friends incident which still affects me from time to time but doesn't make me cry all night anymore.. but i just want lor. hahaha aiya only You can tahan my nonsense anyway :) at least.. i'll always have Someone i can pour my shit out to and who won't mind.
times of refreshing man.
feed me and give me water.
Lord i thirst and i hunger.
only You can satisfy
only You, my Sacrifice.
"time for bed, sleepyhead.. you got a big day tomorrow. tell the story to me some other time. get some rest and i'll do my best to shoulder the sorrow, no room for sadness in your beautiful eyes.. it's gonna fine, i know, you're gonna be fine:)"
okay love.
i believe in You.
WE WILL DANCE ; 1:17 PM
Wednesday, May 14, 2008 ;
there is hope yet.
i see a near revival
stirring as we pray and seek
we're on our knees
we're on our knees
Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest
i believe You're higher than hopes, higher than dreams, higher than the impossible. the devil's trying to steal kill and destroy the benjamin generation, and what a place to start - china and its huge population.
god i'm so pissed off after reading the newspaper. and i must admit i teared. they're so young. so many of them.
aiyah whatever.
with God, all things are possible.
WE WILL DANCE ; 4:20 AM
