Thursday, March 31, 2005 ;

oh wait before i go. i have to confess something! really terrible!!! ((: *i know you all think like what did bok do! or like omgomgomg bok just stretched mitch's guts from here to pulau puntat!!*

but no! i did not! err.. yet. ahahah!! no lah!

aiyah. i scratched my foot lah.. =( sorrie. :(

heh but aiyah! just to tell you all. my foot is *NOT* swollen, *NOT* purple, and most of all, *NOT* itchy!!! and *NO*, the itch is *NOT* spreading. ((:

yesyes? hahahha amen! and *NO* lor. its *NOT* pain. (: hor Daddy? (:

and yes funfun. ((: i can walk down the stairs properly now!! whoohooo!! oh and i cant wait to go blading too. :D whheeeeheeeheee!

ahaha!! i just realised i suddenly started calling you funfun the way val, sabby and longans call me bokbok. oh my hat. i still think calling me bokbok sounds like calling a dog eh. but heck. (:

funfun funfun!! ((: blading, sleepover! ((: it goes on and on till school starts, but thats okay. (: heh we'll still have each other. you'll have beeleem to go to sch with! ((:

okays now i'm really wondering why i'm still awake when i just said i should sleep early. aiyah crappy lah. blah. shall go now, and tmr, i shall repair my nails. ((:



WE WILL DANCE ; 5:19 AM






just felt like using small font. heh. omgomgomg you've all watched school of rock already right! ((: can i just say that the drummer, lawrence, is so damn handsome! and he's so young! but he's darn cool lah! wah lao man! ((: oh we were going crazy.

tuesday me, ding, funfun, tim and jerrome went over to beeleeem's place to slack. before that i met ding and beeeleem at jurong east. then we went to heartland mall to buy cereals, chocolate milk and is it bee chiang heng? oh wait. no thats the bah zhang thing?

oh right. its called old chang kee or sth? yeah. then we took a bus down to beeleem's place. so we started eating cereal lah. frosties rock! ((: wheee! then tim came and funfun came and jerrome came.

we started movie marathoning. well, sort of lah. and we started ruffle-ing too! i had a blast man. then after that we had to leave, and nice tim gave us a lift to yishun, where we babes went to eat at yoshinoya? or is it kinokuniya? aiyah i'm confused..

anyways we ate. thats the point! and then we laughed at this grown man who tried to fit himself inside the [was it bob the builder?] machine ride. heh. then we left.

and after that when i got home i think i called ding at like 12+am. hurhur. and we like chatted until about 3am. i was drained man. heh. (:

so i called camp HA in the morning. they put me through to gopal and he asked me to email him. and he said they havent confirmed it all yet, but they'd mail me back or sth if i'm in. oh Daddy thank You for supernatural favour! for longans girl and timsty too!

and today.. yeah after i called them i went back to sleep. (: oops! then i went to mail my thing to gopal. yeah. and replied tianlai's mail. [instructors, are you all going for the gathering saturday?]

aiyah. then i went for choir! ((: i had fun. (: oh sammy and ding! hurry up and join! ((: muahaha! alternate weeks! thank You Daddy!!

ah wells. after that.. i came home with ah-nah-belleeee-box and terra verra the virus. whoohoo! hurhur.. ((: [thanks tim.]

i've been really seriously blessed lah. so yes i'm very happy. (: my Daddy loves me and everyone loves me and i'm enjoying my life. i'm so blessed. (: i have wonderful and understanding frens. (: thanks Daddeeeee!!

i love my life! so, yeah. haha welcome to my life. (:

happy box is also "nice-to-be-with" box, which is also "un-bitchy" box. ((:

fudgecake you mitch. i hate mitch. the motherfudgecaker who hurt my belleeebox. hate him to the max. who does he think he is anyway! some guts he's got. but if he has enough guts he'd dare to show his face to me. i'd slap it mighty fine. slap it mighty hard and make him jolly well learn his fudgcakin' lesson. he better never do that ever again. how dare he. slandering my sister. he'd better watch his mo'fo' ass i tell you. ugly ape. oh and did i mention that if ever he'd have the audicity to show ME his guts, i'd yank them all out and stretch them from here to pulau puntat. just for the fun of it. fudgeness lah. he thinks he's lagi big. yah. big and fat. fudgecake him man. i will really slap his fudgecaking face and make him never forget.

woah piangs. so late liao. better sleep. okays everyone! zhao shui zhao qi dui shen ti bu chuo. ((: early sleep early wake for body not bad. ((: so, early early sleep and early early wake for body not not bad! whahaha!! okok. i'mma sleep now! hee!

WE WILL DANCE ; 4:20 AM




Wednesday, March 30, 2005 ;

thanks You Daddy. (: really. there was nothing more i wished for than this. really Lord. thank You so much. thank You thank You thank You!! oh foo. i love You man. thank You so much.

this weekend. ((: this weekend. is the most blessed weekend in my entire life. thank You Jesus. omgomg. thank You Daddy.

he said he's coming back! omfg! hallelujah! ((: he actually told my mom he would be coming back! can you fudgecake believe that!

thank You Daddy! Your love really never fails man. thank You more than anything else. thank You.

(: i'm sorry girls. you all still can stay over, but we'll cramp abit more in the other room or in the hall or something.

that's my brother's room. (: all his. ((:

here's to more cooking at 4am!!! (((: here's to more ribena making!! here's to more nonsense talks!!! here's to more throwing gross pears out of the window!!

here's to my Daddy God who loves me that much more when my whole world was crashing down on me!!!!!!!

WE WILL DANCE ; 3:52 PM




Monday, March 28, 2005 ;

people change, and i can't always be who you want me to be. and you have to learn to accept that as part and parcel of life.

WE WILL DANCE ; 5:48 PM






so sorry that i havent been updating. my sister has to rush out so much nonsense projects and all. year 3 in NUS is crazy lah. anyways, long entry ahead!

anyways where did i stop? heh i forgot what my last post was about. oh right. thursday.. so thursday night ding and sam came to stay over. we thought we lost you ding!! ((:

then sam's mom drove us to my place from jurong and we went to buy teh bing. then we sat in my brother's room and talked and laughed and crapped. damn fun.

thanks, you two, for just being there and for listening. it really meant so much to me and i really appreciate you two! lovemuch!

so we ended up sleeping really little, and those two darlings couldn't wake up in the morning, so sabby went to fetch asher to her place to cook. after that i finally woke them up and we went to fetch monica from jurong.

went to sabby's and found them already busy in the kitchen, cooking our wonderful lunch. ((: it was really nice. so we slacked about and watched tv and stuff.. and drank bailey's. ((: hee!

then we all went mad lah. and we had to leave around 5pm.. sam, ding and asher came over to my place and we went absolutely crazy playing monopoly. i never knew the game could be so fun lah.

[ehh ding, you fart ah?] hah!! omgomg.. asher i'm never letting you touch that gun again man..and i'm never playing monopoly with you again as well! heh.

moving on.. saturday rocked lah. those who didn't go.. too bad man. heh. anyways the games comm met early in the morning. [should have been earlier but somebody.....]

anyways.. we got to east coast and somehow tim and bren just couldn't get the breakfast orders right. but thanks, tim, for paying for breakfast!! ((: see bren? watch and learn man! (:

haha jiahao.. your breakfast ah.. hahah!! muhddy.. anyways. we had fun shivering in the rain. and the stupid sea slug monster! ding, all your fault lah! zheng jye is damn funny..

wah the beach opposite pit 33 no joke eh. the sand sucks you in man! as in literally. you can ask ding.. so gross. haha. still want to sing and dance to the goofy goober song, babe? ((:

anyways.. the beach and the water damn dirty lah. so the water bombs inside got liao one. haha disgusting! (: and the dumb baguettes lah.. the people actually wanted to eat them! i was surprised. heh.

gross lah.. but super fun. i really really enjoyed myself. though i did learn quite a few lessons.

like how to never throw tim into the sea again, and how to NEVER [notice the caps] shoot ding with a dumb super soaker when she has longan dessert in her hands.

darn it she'll fling the whole bowl in your face and the longan will get stuck in your specs. [omgomg tim. you actually fell for that!] hahah my goodness i love the games comm. (:

but shit it ding!! hahah you blardy baboon!! next time i will throw lychees at you, and i swear by longans and lychees!! ((:

i also learnt to always check where you're standing, or if you're too lazy to do that please wear boots and a diving suit to keep the ants out.

i accidentally stood on a kalipok nest during praise and worship lah. and i didn't even realise till jayden[hongwei] came over and told me. i was like "oh sheet!! *toot*!!" hahah and he laughed at me. -_- heh.

so yeah.. ((: my beautiful feet are purple and swollen, they smell like a polyclinic and there's some pus. they just don't realise i'm healed already lah. slow reaction..

anyways, sunday i got clearance from my leader, so i didn't need to serve. my feet lah. bugsome. so i went for second with my usual people. ((: omgomg the special item was so good. really. (: i felt Daddy. ((:

after that we went to the arcade then we went for lunch. [shawn kept stealing my char siew.] blah! and we all drank teh bing and went a little crazy after that.

we went back to the arcade after lunch. oh and i saw leanne at the choir counter and went to talk to her. (: haha love her lots! then i went over to the Dare counter too! love kaiyan and lynn and lydia lots too! haha okok and zhen lah. (:

so anyways, we went back to the arcade and there was this girl.. err.. hahhaha God bless her? ((: hee! right guys? ((:

eeEEeee.. yah anyways that ddr guys.. has weird legs lah. maybe they're not even legs!! *gasp* haha ok fine. he's just damn good. damn fast. wooo..

so we hung around for pretty long.. talked with bren, cia, joy.. a few others. dumg amaleh kev lah. still dare to play scissors paper stone wih me. he lose me both hands both feet down lor! ((:

oh yay! haha beishan's gonna teach me how to play keyboard! wheeee!! hallelujah! i love her man! she's so cute eh! ((: haha yes, thank You Daddy, i learn very fast one. (:

after that, i went over to val's place.. we watched desperate housewives and ate ice cream and drank ribena. (: love her! so i went home about 8+pm? yeah. had some dinner then went to bathe and all.

tried to help my sister with her essay thingy on tragedy. in the end i went out with her at like 3am? hahah to buy ruffles. ((: hee. then i talked with bren on the phone and was forced to numb my foot with ice.

then today he still tell me to ice my foot for the whole day. i was like hello! later my foot get frostbite can! so silly. but can i say its really darn itchy! can't take it ehh.

oh wells. ((: yah. there's my really long update. actually that wasn't all i wanted to say lah, but oh well. can't be too detailed, cos that'll take forever. hurhur.

anyways i'm looking forward to tuesday[tmw].. games comm slacking day. (: gonna love it! and looking forward to wednesday too. choir!! and then i think thursday.. blading!! wheee!!! do you love your life? i love my life! (:

heh. so yups. technically my whole week's booked up cos there's BS [yay!!] on friday and campus [double yay!!!] on saturday and service [many more yays!!!] on sunday. ((:

hah. thanks Lord. (: i know i'm actually damn blessed, just that at times i'm so blind to everything around me. open my eyes more and more k? (: i want to see all these great great blessings and i want to always overflow with joy. (:

i want to always be like this. be so happy and so full, so that i can overflow and affect the people around me. You know.. i want to touch lives without even knowing i'm touching their lives. i want to be an impact for You.

i want them to see just how good You are to me, and i want them to know that it can not only happen to me, but to them as well. that You are a good God who really loves them one.

thank You Daddy. (: for loving me, for being there, for giving me friends, for carrying me through. (: thanks for always telling me that i make You smile, and that You'll always be there no matter how many times i break Your heart.

thank You for everything. ((: lovelove!

WE WILL DANCE ; 3:05 PM




Thursday, March 24, 2005 ;

i'm sorry i'm like that.
i'm sorry i can't be perfect.
i'm sorry,
but i'm only being me.

last night, me and ding met zhen at clementi. (: we started talking and he started overflowing, preaching and ministering to us.

i started crying cos i thought about my brother. i looked so kuku lah. sitting in the middle of clementi weeping. (;

but i felt much better after that. thanks zhen. really.

anyway now i feel really crappy. as in, seriously. and i just don't know why. heh. feel like swearing? dumb lah.

it's like. i'm doing it all wrong. and i don't like it, but i can't help it. you know how that feels? it feels fucked up leh. really.

i can't explain it, but it's just.. bothering me. alot. somehow. i really need to get my mind of stuff.

why me? i don't know. maybe i don't want to know.

there's just stuff on my mind which shouldn't even be there in the first place. but now that it's there i can't make it go away.

oh well. i guess i'll be fine.



WE WILL DANCE ; 7:15 PM






we're sinking. babe. we're sinking.

i'm sinking. really. i'm sinking.

are you sinking? tell me. are you sinking?

and you? how about you? are you sinking?

ding.. how?

now tell me what to do!

not you. i dont want you.

yayness. ding and i think sam are coming over to stay later? i dont know. oh well.

had fun today with the games committee. alot of fun. (: even though my fingers and ding's fingers are numb. hurhurhur.

(: fun. yeah. we watched a little of spongebob on blim's computer. damn funny. and we downloaded the soundtrack too. (:

have i mentioned i love spongebob? (: and hitch. but more spongebob. oh actually i do have to watch hitch again cos i was so tired i fell asleep at the last part. and no shawn, it wasn't on purpose. ((:

hitch!! spongebob!! (:

aiyah i'm just damn irritated okay. so now leave and mend my presence.*



WE WILL DANCE ; 3:16 AM




Tuesday, March 22, 2005 ;

my gosh its damn funny too lah! i was laughing and laughing.. and laughing.. ((: yeah, but sadly i was so tired [because i didnt sleep because i was on the phone with ding and after that i went to check out the postings..] that i fell asleep at the last part of the movie.

shawn, stop scolding me! i was tired lah! guan, thanks for your shoulder! wheeee!! i missed you!

des, thanks for the cake. (: i owe you one! haha my sister loves it lah. and so do i! hee!

oh anyways, when i was on the bus home this stupid woman dumped herself down beside me and then later when i had to alight she was like moving so slowly and she was so fat so i had so much difficulty getting out and all. wah lao i was damn pissed with her i tell you! buggeration of all buggerations lah!

oh well.. yeah. hitch is good, and so is spongebob. everyone is adviced to watch both these movies. ((:

and after that.. the whole long list blah blah blah.. [right, shawn?] hurhurhur there are so many movies to watch lah. ((:

oh anyways. looking forward to saturday.. thursday too and i think friday. oh wait. tomorrow as well! we're having a games-committee-get-together-and-prepare-all-the-stuff day! (: yups.

ah well. God bless me. more talks with ding. (: hee! yesyes babe? less sleep. more time awake, get more things done. be excited and have energy for saturday. yeah. that's my to-do list.

oh ding! the top priority of our to-do list! have you done it? hee cos i haven't! but actually.. =( also dont need already lor. dammit. i wasn't happy at all i tell you! but oh well.

everything happens for His reason in His season, because He knows best! ((: so yups, and i know its different one. babe, i can feel it in my bones! hahah! yes, you too.

i so enjoy talks with you. and discussions with you. ((: rae lynn and kae lynn huh. (: love much dear!

yeah. boy am i blessed. i'm reaping my harvest when i haven't even started sowing yet! praise Jesus lah. and yes, praise God for everything. He loves me and i make Him smile. ((:

WE WILL DANCE ; 6:20 PM






I want to sing until i am lost in Your love
Till i'm found in Your presence
Worshipping before Your throne
Filled by Your Spirit, entering into Your flow
How precious this moment, Lord i want You to know

It's You, You Who have won my heart
Taken me into Your arms, comforted me like a friend
Your love surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart from You ever again.

yes Lord. You're all i want and need. Your love is better than the love anyone could give. You are my everything. thank You Daddy, that even though many times i have broken Your heart, You always love me. You never let me go. no matter what, i know i can always turn to You. thanks for being there for me Daddy. i really appreciate You.

OEI WOMAN!!! BLESSED BIRTHDAY LAH!!! ((: DONT SAY I NEVER WISH YOU! hee. ((: lovemuch!

WE WILL DANCE ; 10:58 AM






i love i love i love!!! ((:

met ding, sam, ash, froggy, tim, larry, puiser, beishan, priscila, christine and yongjie at cineleisure at [supposedly] 6.30pm. (: yes you guessed. we were going to watch spongebob squarepants the movie! oh the joy!! (:

but yes. people are late, so forgive and forget. (; hah. [ding, i think only you understand my nonsense lah!]

its damn funny. i cannot take it! its damn damn funny and i so so so want to watch it again lah! serious!

thank you thank you thank you sam! i'm a wise place to sow your seeds lah. whahah!! Daddy will water, and your harvest will be overwhelming.

anyways i interrupt this post to say PRAISE THE LORD MAN I GOT MY FIRST CHOICE AND NP BUSINESS, HERE I COME! hallelujah!! (((:

hurhurhur!! yeah anyways, lemme continue about spongebob!

"did you see my underwear?"
"would you like to?"

whahahah!! i love!! and yes, i love subway cookies still. (: just that the dumb larry ate my white chip macedamia one. darn! that's my favourite lah dude!! purposely eh!! (:

after that we ate at long johns', but beishan, puiser, priscila and christine left first. =( yeah.. beishan lah! so cute! "no..! can buy two cups of chin chow leh!" hah!! damn funny!

heh. after dinner the guys anyhow.. wanted to go kbox-ing, but too smoky and its quite expensive.. so they decided on pool.

hey but i was a good girl okay. i went home first because i didn't want my mama to get angry. (: too bad for me i had to leave with larry! argh that guy. keep suan-ing me. like uncle david ehh! ((: hah!!

but yes. i'm a good girl okay. its not hard to believe lor! (:

anyways ding. (: i love you lah girl. and don't always be so negative or i'll whack you and say kerpatty!!! =D whahahah!! spongebob rocks lah. (:

more chats till the wee hours of the morning, yesyes? ((: i love!

oh poeple! once you know which course you're in, please tag me and let me know! especially if you're going to Ngee Ann Poly!! ((: wheee!! let's go there and rock the place!




WE WILL DANCE ; 9:11 AM




Sunday, March 20, 2005 ;

yes lah yes lah you're damn big okay! everything you're right okay! everything only you can do okay! everything is always about you okay! i admit it lah! always like that one what! what the fuck i do. not my problem also become my problem. i realise i'm never fucking good enough for you am i. i can never be right. to you, its only ever about you. do you even fucking care for any of us! do you?! fuck you dont! and you know it. you think you're damn big! you think you know a whole lot. but hey. you dont. you really fucking dont! so why do you always have to act like you do? is it that big a deal, really? aiyah heck it. heck it all. i shall be okay and paste myself back together again with masking tape the way humpty dumpty couldn't because i'm not humpty dumpty, and i shall leave all these troubles here in this entry and hope none of it got stuck in the masking tape that i used to stick myself back together with.

WE WILL DANCE ; 12:19 AM




Saturday, March 19, 2005 ;

to watch SPONGEBOB the movie!!!
more time with my frineds!
more laughs on the bus with beckyy.
more HA camps.
more blindmice at shawn's.
more sleepovers.
more late night talks on the phone with jo.
more noodle and campbell soup cooking and ribena making.
more fun choir practices with merle and alicia and fanny and everyone.
more silly breakfasts with char and ash.
more red bean plants! (:
more jesse mcartney's beautiful soul.
more kelly clarkson's since you've been gone and breakaway.
more eminem's just lose it!
more 4e1..
more swiss.
more swiss winds.
more laughs on the 187 with ber and sheena.
more crappy times eating chips with sam, raisa and ber.
more kim possible.
more time in church.
more annointing.
more of the word.
more shopping sprees!
more suppers with the old supper gang.
more everything.
more you.

yups. not too much to ask for eh..? ((:

WE WILL DANCE ; 1:18 PM




Thursday, March 17, 2005 ;

heh. =) yes i changed some stuffs. i think it looks a little weird. i only like the sky blue "heaven on earth" and the purple "posted by...".

yups. but oh wells. i was bored lah. i tell you, after putting down the phone with tim and ding [omg. they rhyme!] anywas, after hanging up, i went through all the dumb flashes on funnyjunk.com.

yups. so i recorded some nonsense baba stuffs for my ringtones and all. but the dumb siemens phone lah.. only can use ten seconds for each voice ringtone.

have i said before that i really dislike siemens phones? or is it just mine.ergh. hah oh wait. no i'm not the only one. alicia hates her siemens too! heh.

so yeah.. talk about being bored. my gosh.. though you have to admit the people who created the funnyjunk.com site were way bored-er than me. ((:

anyhoos.. i'll be leaving home soon. to meet the peeps at lot 1. Daddy, i'm expecting a great time of fellowship! (((:

hee. i love them. and yes Dad, i love You too.

WE WILL DANCE ; 4:48 PM








WE WILL DANCE ; 12:20 PM




Wednesday, March 16, 2005 ;

ysk!usk!idwtpftj..jwalt!dyswud!ijw!iahuft!uwaetnoptubatm!inimnabtarti.tarfe.
aawbcffslukuntkgiw!uhnbaucmyod,wiwics!pylenasaoy.ykinwbshjcoml.
inwtinwtinwt!!!bywyu!aainyil!ih!!bhdkeatajsssmlijwiate.
iwltgbtn,tgbthiutbb.wtimtla?!

yw.iaju.imt.aiayffanoubmaw!popdtmtdwam,adp..p!mg!ohtjssmifsuaynuijdwtesyfa.iktumairubtjhifok.bmiyw,ittu.ikihoybihomt!ihtiblt.

igshiwuttiog,laaw,tmmlotogi.ihtaysk.ibybffhll.iysdktistyop.ogmbfas,bnm.aysktbn!!
dykhmts?dykhmiwatte?iht!aihyfmth!imtbyyikbiis?iiyfayki!cmi,cmab.

idc.ioeatyrumiycdt.h.bnyc.w?tjpi.ydkm.ykiapsysjgul.
istpiasbbysbwytoml!!inwiayks!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lsihvbiriohablpnihrbajwroihbrlzwesuivhbksidhbnkeoodhkakiduhybn
vlosiqyhqiaopburytna,zmxbcvvyrjalfjir
klishegukkjdbgkoouvhkt;lasiiyqhntns,bpnllajsgfhnkr
jkshaghbwmrogiuywtagawnnskbknjjkjkkaiduthbnvmmw
jdppityqjwjagsjzncjdugiylrjatsnvmgjdeoruun
mtnsivhglsoeyunnbm,znvjsahgsjkghjghawrhhgjhkzs,gjbyyqnak.


okays. i'm better now. heh.
wahh if anyone can decipher what i was trying to say.. genius man. ((:




WE WILL DANCE ; 5:26 PM






last night i was watching "when animals attack" on cable, and there was this woman right, she was six and a half months pregnant.. guess where she went swimming?

in the sea, beyond the breakwaters. how smart is that? i mean, sure, she's a lifeguard and all, she can swim well and all, but hello..! six and a half months pregnant!

that really got me thinking how there can actually be such dumb and irresponsible people living on the face of this earth. like, my gosh! you don't think for yourself, please spare a thought for that little life inside you.

or even for your husband and the rest of your family lah. so babaheaded!! i cant believe she could have actually did that. and just that morning her husband had told her not the go into the sea.

now how smart is that. oh man.. anyhoos.. if you're wondering. heh. she survived lah. and so did the baby. but she had to get like, what.. eighty over stithes on her thigh or something? yah.

haha the price she paid for not listening to her husband and for being dumb and irresponsible. ((:

haha actually i also dont really know why i'm so angry at her lah, but it was really dumb of her. so yups.

oh wells. =) nothing much to say, really.. dont even know why i came online. hur i think i really need to do more camps ah.. it feels much better than bumming around and wasting away into the atmosphere. (:

iwidhtblt.awttlim?

WE WILL DANCE ; 4:00 PM






sometimes i wonder..

would life still be the same if he hadn't left?
would life still be the same if jo hadn't left?
would there still be an empty space in my heart?



WE WILL DANCE ; 3:44 AM




Monday, March 14, 2005 ;

ronaldo - err.. who are you man?
guan - i was missing you like dung when i was at camp!!
jenn - i miss you and the whole band too! when's syf?
ash - wah lao!! *sings sad song* -_-"'
sam - yes, samanTEH!! ((:
ren - darling i miss you too. where have you been!!
becks - i miss you major too!! boohoo..

whahaha! sorry.. oh anyways, been back from camp for quite awhile already, just that i never blogged. =) too lazy lah. and also very tired and not to mention busy, so it's not all my fault okay. (;

anyhoos, camp was nothing but fun. (: i had such a great time and i got to know so many more people and learn so much so much. (: it was like, the best.

all the funny cheers, the claps.. i learnt seriously alot. how to take control but be nice at the same time..

how to survive without bathing for long hours after running around the whole of sentosa twice and how to sleep in an ice box. (: [without getting sinus till your sides hurt that is..]

yeah.. my sides were hurting like dung on the second night i had to bite my lip so hard to stop from tearing.. my gosh. then sabby got so worried. (:

she brought me out of the room and we sat outside for awhile, then she went to get the sinus thingy from ash i think.. which couldn't really work because i couldn't even breathe..

but there's one thing.. i so hate mount imbiah!!! my gosh!! its so irritating! my poor kids had to run around the whole dumb mount looking for some silly thing to draw! my gosh. it made them so tired.. =(

but anyhoos, we did okay. AHS class 3A'05 rocks your socks man!! they won the first prize for the dont-know-what thing.. so happy for them!! ((:

i miss them all much now. =) i was surprised i even got a small note from theem. =) how sweet! and it's only the beginning. (: heh.

it was darn tiring, the sentry duties and all. the first night i hardly got two hours of sleep! that bugger GS Chua and his friend dont-know-who.. didn't even wake up fo duty.

and worst.. they didn't tell anyone they were taking that shift. in the end me, sabby, andy, sandra and monica did the shift together..

i miss my fellow instructors too.. sabby. =) heh. oh i miss jona. so cute lah she.. and andy and his frog joke. and jason, my jiu ming en ren.. whahah! oh oh!! and tian lai! (: that funny guy who keeps jumping around in the aircon. =)

yeah.. all i can say is that HA camps are majorly fun. if anyone has the chance to go, please do. if you don't want to, i can always take your spot. ((:


WE WILL DANCE ; 7:38 PM




Tuesday, March 08, 2005 ;

yayness! this is absolutely yayness! ((: i'll be away at camp from 9 - 11th march!

yah, and i only got the news today. hurhurhur. ((: but oh wells, no matter. so yups.. if i don't like answer your calls or stuff.. i know can bring phone lah, but.. later no battery.

siemens phone ah. battery life sucks man. seriously. heh. oh well.

its gonna be so fun leh, can i tell you. (: now i'm all smiles! it'll be so exciting! i'm really looking forward to this. heh.

so anyways.. =) although it won't be like a church thing, but who cares right! we'll be the impact! the salt and light! (:

yups. then.. i'll be away, so don't miss me. i won't miss you all too. ((: hah! kidding lah! but not all. =) whahahah!!

okay okay.. yeah. not sure if we can make it back for bible study on friday night.. but we'll try. so.. most probably will only be seeing all of you on saturday. so yups, will be looking forward to saturday too.

okays. i'll be off now! ((: bye! (((:

WE WILL DANCE ; 6:13 PM




Monday, March 07, 2005 ;

i was reading cia's blog, and what she said is really true. i can't imagine how Daddy felt seeing His beloved Son being tortured like that. i agree with her about feeling the hurt when bad things happen to our loved ones.

i tell you, if anyone, anyone at all, dares to do anything dumb to my sister you better watch out. i dont care how bloody old you are, or if you think you're damn big. you better respect her and treat her properly. if she's helping you, you better not blow your top at her or get aggressive or whatsoever shit. i'll not let you off. i dont care if you're a guy, older than me or stronger than me. you watch out.

see what i mean? of course that wasn't just for illustrations. i mean it. *anyone at all. i dont care who.

anyways, if even i can feel this way, how much more God? His love is perfect! mine is definitely not. if i can feel like this even when i love her not with a perfect love, if i can feel this way even though we quarrel and stuff, how much more God for Jesus?

Jesus never sinned, He was perfect, fully worthy to be loved. and God did love Him, with a perfect love. can you even imagine how painful t would have been for Him?

yet He loved us that much too, unworthy as we are. He loved us that much He was willing to give up His one and only beloved Son.

He loved me taht much, unworthy as i am. He loved me that much He was willing to give up His one and only beloved Son. =) for me.

i am my Daddy's beloved.

WE WILL DANCE ; 8:35 PM




Sunday, March 06, 2005 ;

oh yups. heh i forgot to mention just now. i had a great great time just now, so thanks, guan, john and shawn. you hunks and babe make my world a better place. beloveds of God. (:

WE WILL DANCE ; 11:45 PM






this is going to be one long entry.. but very worth reading. =)

Jesus told me "I love you." to me right, that's so much more than just three romantic words to make you go all warm and fuzzy inside.

"I" - God. the almighty, the ruler of all heavens and earth. the highest of high, the reverendest of reverends, the king of kings and lord of lords. yet, my closest companion, my best friend, my Daddy God.

"love" - the greatest gift of all, the thing which erases all fear, that heals all hurt and embraces all ugliness. agape, unconditional, always willing. thinking of me twenty-four-seven, desperate to get my attention, ever wanting for me to be happy.

"you" - me. unworthy, lousy.. nothing.

yet He chose to love me, despite and inspite of my ugliness. He chose to love me, loved me so much He gave me His all so that i would be happy. i didn't want Him, yet He wanted me. He loved me, loves me, and always will love me.

when He tells me "I love you.", i see Him smiling down on me, and my life can be crashing away into nothingness, but three words, and i know that life is still worth the living. =)

i was also thinking about the phrase "for me, You gave." it also means so much more to me than just four si ple english words.

"for me" - He chose me out of millions and millions of people, even people more worthy and deserving than i. when you give someone a present and you tell taht person 'here, this is for you.', means you have thought enough and cared enough for that person to specially give something to her, which shows that you love her and she means alot to you.

"You gave" - God gave me. think about that. it means so much. the fact that He has given you something already shows that He loves you enough to give you something. but this 'something' that He gave us is not just a 'something', it is His beloved Son, worth more than anything, and also bringing with Him everything. see how much He loves? =)

yups, anyways, i should continue my story right.. =) God's chosen. =) yups, when i needed that.. it says right, in 2Peter 1 : 17 that Jesus recieved honour and glory when He heard God saying that He was the beloved Son, when He knew He was loved.

i too, "re-recieved" glory and honour when i realised that Jesus did love me. i stopped smoking, stopped drinking, stopped cutting myself, stopped wasting my life away, because now life was worth living for.

and you know, after all that, the next year, i was in saints. and that was the time in my life i needed to know most that despite all i had done, i was still righteuos, still a saint in Christ.

and last year, i was shifted over to beloved. ((: wells, i admit i was initially abit [abit only k.] bitter about it, like ehh.. why cant i be the one staying in my old caregroup? why must move to a place where i dont know anybody one..?

but Daddy's ways are higher than our ways, and He has His reasons. can i tell you my spiritual growth has shot up so much since i've been in beloved.. i have leant so so much. i have really benefitted.

and just think, if i wasn't shifted to beloved, would i have met becky? would i have become closer to zhen and bren and learn so much from them? would i have gotten the chance to pour out my really overflowing overflow? no.

not that saints is not growing or is not good enough for me. no, i'm definitely not saying that. saints is a really annointed and blessed caregroup. trust me, i know one. =) but its not my right season to be there.

i tell you, if i was still in saints, i really wouldn't have grown so much and learnt so much and matured so much. i'm really glad now that Daddy put me where i am now. He knows best.

this year i really needed to know that i was His beloved. look at all the dung that's been happening to me! the dumb attacks from the dumb devil. if i had not been so sure that i was His beloved, if this had happened to me like when i was in sec1 or 2.. i wouldn't be here anymore lor. i would be dead. i would have killed myself, serious.

things happen for His reason in His season, because He knows best. and i know i can trust Him because i am His beloved and He will surely give me the best and not even second best.

my caregroup's attendance might be poor, but that too, has a reason to it. if so many people come and everyone starts sharing, how would i be able to share?

if i was not able to share, how am i to get new revelations? how would i be able to touch their lives and be an impact and be an encouragement? how would i be able to grow?

in sec2, when we were choosing our combinations.. i did better for geography than literature, and i was so bitter that i was put into my literature class.

but look now. i'm so darn glad my class is my class. how would i have met all these friends if i was in the pure geography class? i wouldn't have met john, then i wouldn't have met shawn and des, then i wouldn't have started to attend teenzeal regularly. sam and ding wouldn't be in church, i wouldn't have met guan..

and, i did so much worse for my geography for my 'o's lah! i got a distinction for my literature.

you ask me does God care. come on. look at my life! its obvious He does. you ask me how come sometimes He seems so far away. i tell you, at that very moment He is carrying you.

as if His grace is not enough to see you through, but i tell you, when you need Him the most, not only is His grace and mercy following after you to help you, He Himself guides you along with His rod and staff, and when you cannot walk no more, He will carry you. i promise.

He loves you, and for you, He gave. (:

He loves me, and for me, He gave. ((:

WE WILL DANCE ; 10:43 PM




Saturday, March 05, 2005 ;

yups. i'm in the flow again. =) thanks Daddy.

i shared with my caregroup my thoughts about the "worthy, not worthy" thingy. yups. that was sort of what lao da had for the caregroup leaders to share with us too.

of course the whole session was very blessed. i got to share alot, and a felt good lah. felt so much life even though i only slept like 3 hours? i'll talk about that later. heh.

once again, thanks bren, for making me go for caregroup. =) God-given friendships really benefit you. =) hehe.. though you, silly bugger, didn't come yourself.

ah hah.. yups. today's caregroup was basically about being God's beloved, and how things transform when you keep reminding yourself that you are His beloved.

and yes, i say again. its not just something that happens to Jesus or mighty men of God and all. look at how Jesus touched my life, and you'll know.

i used to be one hell of a kid. smoking, drinking.. suicidal too. cut my wrists every night. dumb, i know. but that's the point!

i went to my first teenzeal camp in sec2. heh. my group's name was God's Chosen. and yes, at that time, i really needed to know that.

because that was the time in my life i felt life was nothing, that i was living for the sake of living.

hmmz... lost my blogging feeling. =) oops. guess ya'll have to wait for the next part of the story. whahah!!

oh. by the way. i finally, yes, finally, was able to send in my application at 6+am last night. or should i say this morning. sigh.

oh manz. 4 hours straight of pressing the refresh button over and over again is really no joke. i guess the dumb ministry finally realised that i wasn't one to be pushed around. darn. how buggersome.

but oh well.. at least its in now. praise God no matter what. =) *becks! dont give up! never say die! =))

WE WILL DANCE ; 7:06 PM






i'm kind of wondering what's with all my entry titles.. like so werid, and they have absolutely no connection with my entries at all. whahah!

by the way.. this is gonna be a long entry. =))

its as if i'm trying to act philosophical. hee! [how to spell?] whahah!! oh my hat. i just drank teh bing, so forgive me!

next week me and guan are going over to sam's place to BAKE! (((: yayness!! bakeness cakeness. (: hah!!

yups. bake. that's really fun you know. =) serious! although we dont even know what to bake, but yeah.. =) its fun one.

ohs man.. i'm really bored. can't wait for school to start. =( i wonder what it'll be like. but i know its gonna be good. =) *thanks Daddy. (:

smiles. =) hee.. i feel like playing blindmice still.. darn boring to keep watching television and walking around the whole of jurong..

i think i know jurong so well i can already walk around with my eyes closed and not bang into anything lah. now you know how bored i am.

haix.. oh yah. the other day i was thinking. say someone gets chosen for a role i've always wanted. someone with skills not as good mine.

i'll definitely get bitter right. because i "deserve" that role more than that someone what. so its "only right" that i get it.

but then Daddy reminded me.. Jesus wants me to see other people as He sees them, which also means to see them as perfect. so, yups..

and anyways, if they don't have that much skill, then that just shows that they are really dependent on grace. =) and ain't that good?

heh. yups. just a passing thought. and also a reminder for myself. because sometimes i really forget to see people as how Daddy sees them.

and i only remember He sees me as perfect and not them. [oops] but its true. its hard, so that's why we have grace. =)

everyone's just as forgiven, that includes me. so why hold grudges? why choose to see they're not-so-good side instead of choosing to love them?

that only makes life harder for everyone including myself. and anyway i have no right. Jesus sees them perfect, so what right do i have to say that they're not?

see.. how easy it is to look to flesh. but thanks to Daddy's still small voice which ever reminds me. =) i'm never in condemnation. never unrighteous before Him.

thanks Daddy. =) its great to be secure. and secure i am, standing in Him, my rock, my salvation.

i know at times its just so hard to believe that Daddy is right beside you, holding your hand. but He is. no matter how you feel, no matter the circumstances.

He will see you through. for sure. i promise you. He will carry you when you have no strength left to walk, He will be your guide when your eyes fail you. He will pick you up when you stumble and fall.

He will hold you close when you hurt so bad inside. He will dry your tears when all you can do is cry. He will be with you when you feel that nobody cares. He will love you with a love so great when you feel that your world is crashing down on you.

He will carry you. and when you realise that it is only by His grace and His grace alone, you will mount up on wings of eagles and soar with Him above your storms.

and all glory will go to His name. (((: and He will hold on to you when you feel like letting go. because He said in His word that He will never, never ever leave you nor forsake you.

even if you want to run away, there is no way of escaping from His arms of love. they are far too wide.

and my Daddy means what He says one. He is a man of His word. if there is anyone you an count on, it is my Daddy God. my Abba Father who loves me oh so much, and a little more than everyone else when i need Him the most.

yups. i have no idea why i typed all of that out.. but i just felt that someone needed to know that. so yeah.. there i go again. (: hee.

*if you'll be kind to others, they'll be kind to you. just give a little cheering up and see what love can do.

i dont know why i still feel like typing, but i dont know what to type anymore! argh. i shall complain about the JAE thing another day. late already. must go and sleep. =)





WE WILL DANCE ; 3:55 AM




Friday, March 04, 2005 ;

firstly, replies to tags. (:

van - thankies babe! i miss you! when's syf?

sam - mass comm's my 2nd choice dear. and i'm applying through JAE. yups it extended but that previous entry was typed before they extended it what..

ting - nopes. business studies is my first. same as guan. 3rd is logistics management, followed by product design then dont know already.

ber - !!! i love you i love you i love you! (((: and i miss you alot. yups, i'm proud of you as well. thanks dear, and be blessed! oh and we must have the lunch date with sheena soon! =)

okays now.. my purpose of this entry is...? i have no idea too. oh yes. they extended the dates for signing up. gosh. do you think maybe its because they read my previous entry? whahah!

so cool right. i make such an impact where ever i go. bleh! ((: but. but but but. =) the server's still blocked. still stuck. still hung. so i still cant access and sign up for my courses.

goodness. i wonder if it's because people go in and just stay there the whole day while trying to decide what course to take. i say that's so inconsiderate. seriously.

think first lah! decide already then go and sign up lah! so horrible. think you king ah!

haha! oh manZ.. haiyah.. don't know what to say anymore, so chao! ((: be blessed, all. and overflow. (:

WE WILL DANCE ; 2:30 PM




Thursday, March 03, 2005 ;

haha i know i'm an ass for complaining so much. (: sorry.. and anyway nobody is obliged to read any of my entried what. whahah! ah wells..

actually i don't really need to complain about my results, because i wanna go poly right.. and poly uses L1R4. for me, that's 15 points! which i'm very happy with.

but, what makes me even happier still, is that the JAE singpass thingy wonderfully minused 2 points off my score, so i'm entering all my poly courses based on 13 points!

hee. and yes, still with my 2 distinctions. come to think of it now, with sheena, ber, wan xian and wan ting talking sense into me that night, my results are good leh.

i mean, save for one silly D7. ah hah.. since like, upper sec.. this is the best results i've gotten! [haha! like, oh my gosh.. i know you wouldn't believe it, but.. ] whahah!

yeah, actually i think.. oh manZ.. sec1 and sec2 i only got distinctions for english and like my geog.. oh manZZ! now i know why Daddy didn't let the teachers put me into a pure geog class! hallelujah! =D

heh oh anyways, as i was saying. =) teehee! two distinctions is actually really good. i mean, seriously! even dora told me she only got one. [thanks babe. =) you're so encouraging. lovee!]

oh wells, oh you all know! the government ahh.. wah lao eh! so.. so.. smart eh! so smart until i cant stand them so i must sit down! wah laoz! really eh!

they jolly well know that the singpass/JAE site is gonna be accessed super alot during these few days, and they still use such a small server. the site has been "busy" and thus "unaccessible" since monday!

then if i cant sign up for my course because the server is busy by friday afternoon, then technically my future's gone, and it wouldn't have been my fault at all! but are they gonna take responsibility for it? nooo..! why? because they're the oh-so-great government, that's why!

they should have jolly well used a bigger server man. and like, they should jolly well know, because they jolly well know how many graduating people there are in singapore!

then like, wah lao! got problem you clear lah! you're the government eh! we don't pay them nuts so that they can sit back and let their people fix their own problems lor. that's what they're paid for! to fix our problems! or even better, prevent them from happening at all.

my goodness.. hah! see.. here i go bursting into my complaints again! you know how easy it is to do that? i mean, to forget all the good and focus on the bad. that's what i did big time when i got my results.

i kept focusing on that D7 in science, not even realising how many people would so want my distinctions and B3s. hee now i feel like an ass. but if you call me one i'll slap you mighty fine. so don't.

i really need to put on my patience. =) but you know, no condemnation for me even though i've been so idiotic. because i'm in Christ and there is no condemnation in Him. so yes, i'm still as blameless as ever. =)

don't you just love my God? (: cos i sure love Him to bits and pieces. why not, when He first loved me?

WE WILL DANCE ; 12:05 PM




Wednesday, March 02, 2005 ;

i feel like such a bum complaining even after reading shawn's blog about being happy with what you have because someone else probably wants it.. but what has to come out has to come out..

heh. if it makes you feel any better i shall put it in tiny font so that you cant read it. ah hell. here goes.

i know i know.. Daddy's my future right. i've told so many people that, its like i only know it in my head and not my heart anymore, and i so so so need a breakthrough. seriously. i tell people stuff and i dont even believe what i say. what's wrong with me? anyways.. i know i should be glad that i've improved so much, but seriously.. 22 points is not good lah! then shawn's friend said "be happy with what you have, because someone else probably wants what you have." but come one lor! who would want my 22 points? Jesus! i need You here with me now. i need Your love. i need Your presence. i need Your touch. i need Your still small voice to tell me that everything is gonna be okay. i need You! i need breakthroughs Lord! i need You to help me. help me know in my heart that You really love me, and that my future really is in You, that my future is blessed by You. i'm sorry i'm so low on faith right now, but i really need You to show me. i'm stuck, at a loss, and i dont know how i should feel. and now he doesn't even wanna come back. so Daddy i really need You to hold me tight. and never let me go. cos i'm falling. i really am.

there. i guess i'm better now. =) yup. i'm all smiles. still smiling. being crazy. but you'll never know how much i'm bleeding inside.


WE WILL DANCE ; 11:24 AM




Tuesday, March 01, 2005 ;

hey all. =) i got 22 points lah.. my gosh. huge huge improvement since the prelims. i got like 33 os was it 38 points for my prelims. quite cool hor. =)

and after failing math since forever, i got a b3. ((: yayness. praise God.

oh wells. and i got a2 for my english and pure literature. c5 for combined humanities [what the h*ll], d7 for combined science [sh*t lah], and b3 for chinese.

i improved for my chinese too. i got c5 for the june paper so that's an improvement of two grades. =) praise God lah, no matter what.

though i know 22 points can hardly go anywhere.. but God will make a way. so i'm just gonna forget about it lor. and anyway i can get into mass comm because my english got distinction.

aiyer.. dont know lah. =) just wanted to tell you all my blessed results. so, yeah..

WE WILL DANCE ; 6:51 PM