well. all i can say is, thanks SO MUCH to everyone for all the love. cos it really made me feel so much better and all your tags made me smile. ((:
really praise God for friends. (: really. thanks again to everyone. yes Jesus loves me. ((: hallelujah!
wells anyways. life's been super blessed.
i'm good with my mom now. haha i dont know lah. she's kinda weird. (: hahah seriously.. one moment like this, one moment like that. but ohwell. at least we're fine now. praise God.
haha. ((: okay anyways.. its the hols now. hallelujah. haha i MUST find a job. ((: MUST. hahaha! and i must learn jap too. must improve. ((:
okay let me put up my to-do list. ((: or what i can rmb so far, that is.
1. visit guan!!!!!!! i miss her like MADNESS.
2. get a job!!
3. colour my hair!
4. okay i dont know what else. -_-"
hahah omg. what a pathetic list!! hee.. ((: nvm. i'll think of more sooner. ahh wait i just thought of more!!
5. teach sungmui blading
6. go ice-skating with the 921-ers [and whoever else wants to come along]
7. date charis!!!
8. go bake cookies and mufifns at sam's or whosever's house. (:
9. improve and learn more jap!
10. ((: [hee. this is a must.] SHOPPING.
hahah yeah. okay now my list isn't that sad anymore lah. ((: whahah.. ((: okay anways i promised the mama i wouldn't sleep TOO late. (: so okay i shall be off now. (: love to all, and thanks again. really. ((:
praise the Lord with all my heart
praise Him for He has done great things
His banner over me is love, is love. ((:
WE WILL DANCE ; 12:42 AM
i hate when you always blame me for everything.
i hate how whatever i do is always wrong to you.
i hate how you always just assume stuff about me.
i hate that you never see the good in me.
i hate how you always shout at me, and he can get away with anything and everything.
i hate how you always want to and act as if you know everything.
i hate how you want to always be in control of everything.
i hate when you never listen.
i hate when you're irritated with me.
i hate when you believe other people, who aren't even related to you, more than you believe in me.
i hate that i'm never good enough for you.
i hate it all, because it hurts.
it hurts so damn bloody much that you'll never understand. i hate you because you never understand and that hurts. i hurt. i may be a teenager but i damn freaking hurt too. hurt. yes, hurt.
i'm real and i have emotions just like any other fucking adult. just like any other fucking parent.
teenagers are humans too.
and i hate how you want to know everything but you never listen to anything. and i hate how you then blame me for not knowing. you blame me for not understanding when you don't even listen.
you just blame me for everything and i hate that. i hate how you think that you can just use me like a robot, like a doll, to live the dreams that you wanted to live out but couldn't.
cos i'm not you, mom. i'm not you at all, and i don't wanna be you. i just want to be me.
even when i shut up. even when i don't argue. i'm still wrong. whenever i don't smile, i'm wrong because i'm "showing you attitude". i'm not a fucking clown, for God's sake. i'm just human.
i'm just a kid.
and this kid is just so tired. tired of punching the wall. tired of crying herself to sleep. tired of listening to shouting and nagging. tired of always taking all the blame. tired of hurting.
Jesus loves me.
WE WILL DANCE ; 5:18 PM
so it hurts. but nvm. because Daddy cares.
anyways, back from beaching and class chalet and everything. yeah.
it's all good.
i'm just abit burnt now. but oh well. praise God anyhow.
praise God that i can never please my mom.
just praise God.
WE WILL DANCE ; 4:45 PM
((: hahhaa dude. you conned my feelings.
8pm at yew tee. where got?! where were you!! i nearly committed suicide.
with the cake knife. AhAHAHAHHAHAH!!
hee. ((:
you have such nice neighbours, gege! ahahah it's truely the favour yah. (: ahah. yayy!! hee. (: okay i shall start telling from the start of the day lah.
i woke up at 7am. lay in bed and dozed off here and there until i got my morning calls. then i went to wash up and all, and i had this sudden urge to call diana. [praise God man] because when i called her at 8.10am, she just woke up!!
and they still said that i'd be late! whahaha. omg. so yeah, after crapping with her for about 10mins, i left the house. so i reached jurong the earliest today. ((: *beams* ahaha.
called Loh Mee to suan her, ends up she's not going. oh my hat. but nvm lah. ((: she does live really far. so anyways, diana, yong ming, jieshan and vanessa reached soon. and when we called eugene, he just woke up.
so the five of us headed down to Giant first. we went grocery shopping! ((: haha damn silly. i love pushing the trolley. ((: anyways. squids are gross lah. ahahha. after that, yong ming helped diana and i carry the stuffs to CCK.
then he left and the two of us.. were left to fend for ourselves. omg my arms nearly broke off lah. haha both our arms.. were going to tear off lah, i swear. omg. after that we just slacked about in her house, and i promise you we are both going mad. and we have no idea why.
oh well. but i had fun with her lah. ahaha oh oh you know what. i think her brother has a nice voice lah! ((: oops. ahahah but the face.. AHAHHA okok i shan't be mean. aiyah he's average lah. but too skinny i feel.
anyhow. after we left, diana went for training and i went to meet steve to go and meet deyan, ding and funn. so that we could go and celebrate with des!! surprise bday party lah. =D so exciting!!
((: so, our plan was for me to call des, pretending that sth not good had happened. ahaha so that he would rush down to yew tee. but we would be waiting outside his house lah, to give him a nice big surprise. ((: yayy!!
yeah. ahaha so i called des, and he said he'd meet me at yew tee at 8pm. and fun, ding, deyan and steve lit the candles while i was calling. but ends up des couldn't leave straightaway, so we had to blow out the candles first. ahaha.
damn funny! like, we were sneaking here and there. and then, cos he took quite long to come out. then we'd like take turns to 'check' his house. at one point we really thought we'd gone to the wrong door. ahaha. omg.
but yeah. in the end, the chocolate melted. ahaha but the cake was still nice lah. ((: i ate all the nuts!! woohooo!! ((: yayy.
DES!!! ((:
dear brother, thanks for being you, thanks for always being there, even if it's just to hear me swear. thanks for letting me vent my frustrations on you. thanks for listening, thanks for sharing. thanks for laughing and thanks for loving me. ((: ilu too~! i hope you had one of your best bday celebrations this year! ((:
((: Daddy loves me alot. i am going off to sleep now! ((:
i love TB33.
I SO LOVE 921!!!. (((:
WE WILL DANCE ; 12:51 AM
yayy exams are over. ((:
ahaha i have blogged. ((: wheee!! yeah oh well.
anyways, past few days have been good lah. ((: today went supper at the coffeeshop opposite my place with sam, ding and stevie melons. ahaha. yeah it was fun.
and we stayed there and talked until like 1am. wheee! ((: ahaha. life is good. praise the Lord. ((: Jesus loves me so much. ((:
anyhow. looking forward to a very fun and eventful one and a half month break. ((: yayy! hahah. i love life lah!
hahah! ((: yayy. yes exams are finally over. okay i think i'm quite slow. but the fact is just.. only.. beginning to sink in. ((: wheee!! it's over. ahaha. me and diana don't have to "ben kui" anymore. we really did go a little crazy.
as in, seriously lah. haha it was either we laughed like super crazily at everything and anything, or we'd suddenly get into really bad moods and just not talk at all. haha oh my.. ((:
well, praise God it's over yah. (: ahahha. praise God for a friend like diana. (: praise God for jieshan. ((: ahaha she's damn sweet lah, forever sending me those real sweet msges that brighten up my day. (:
yayy! ((: i'm really prosperous you know. really super blessed. it's like everywhere i go, somehow i always have company, somehow people just love me. somehow i'm just so favoured. really praise God.
He shines through me. ((: more and more each day. amen. ((: where ever i go, angels are surrounding me, protecting me from any harm, protecting me from all evil. because DaddyGod loves me.
((: today [or should i say yesterday.. considering the time. haha.] funn dearie gave me three pairs of pretty pretty pretty ear rings!! love them alot. ((: hee of course i love funn loads more. ((: ever so thankful that she's in my life. ((:
praise God for the 921-ers. [now we're called naturall y eccentri c] yayy! ((: praise God. praise God that despite our different and busy schedules, we always manage to spend time during the week no matter what. ((:
more to come, beloveds. ((: expect great things ahead! ((: because Jesus loves us. ((: yes, just because He loves us. ((:
anyways, OMG. OMG. jo's back from melb pls!! ((((: wah lao! x) these people!! all con me! =D ahaha. she actually came back on tuesday loh, hello! ((: but she told everyone not to tell me! oh man! i was really clueless!!
and then and then! today!! ((: i came for BS with sam and ding, and then after we collected our tickets, i turned around, and hallelujah!! suddenly she was just there. i was like, OMG!!! then.. hha oops. i started crying in her shoulder. ahahah. oh my hat!!
i was damn shocked pls! ((: oh these people. ((: she's SO sweet lah! she just wanted to ive me a surprise. (((: yayy! oh my gosh i'm SO glad she's back! wheee!! hahaha.
i've known her since we were in primary4 lah!! and she's been one of my closest friends since then! ((: love her to bits! ahaha. (: wheeee!!
hurhur! ((: oh and today!! i finally saw sheena my beautiful baboon too! i was so happy! hahah yayy! ((: i've not seen her for mths i thin. ((: hee. Daddy really really loves me alot. ((: ahaha. yayy! ((:
i am SO super blessed. ((: so abundantly loved and favoured!! ((: hahah!! ((: love love love. thank You, Daddy. You're so precious to me. ((:
anyhow. ((: i love pastor lawrence. (: hahaha. yayy! pls, his preaching is like.. superdom funny. and damn annointed! i love when he preaches yeah. ((: hahaha on thursday me and charissa we laughed like SO much. ((: i LOVE charissa ALOT. thanks dear. ((: really.
yayy. yah and today, [yesterday. whatever!!] dunstan promised that he will bring me "dou feng" soon. ((: yayy! cheers to speeding, blasting music, and the wind blasting into our faces! ((: hahah hallelujah. (: we're covered by the blood! calamity shall NOT befall us. heehaahoo!
okay shucks i'm so high now. at like.. 5.01am? ahaha i just gave stevie melons bah kwa his morning call. gonna call sam later at 6am. ((: ahaha. oh my hat. (: Daddy will stretch my hours. (: after all, i did have a valid reason to stay up. ((:
i only finished tyinf the thingys at 4.30am lah! ((: hahah nvm. it's a pleasure to help in any way i can. ((: it's a good investment of my time anyway. ((: yayy! haha. oh my hat. i'm really high!
i think it's cos of the extra milky teh bing? ahahah steve says its called teh bing gao? ahaha. dont know lah. favour mah, then the aunty give many many milks. AHAHAH. milks? ahah! oh man. ohh.. my hat.. hallelujah! ((:
anyways, i shall end off here lah. if not it wil never end. ahaha. ((: yayy. okay bye peeps. ((: love to all. ((: haha Jesus loves!!
WE WILL DANCE ; 5:06 AM
i seriously give up. like, really. cos i know that even if i do try to study anyway, nothing's going to get into my brain. so i just plain give up. just forget it, really.
well, at least now Daddy can take over.
you know, i was trying so so hard to study just now, and i just got so stressed up and pissed off. and steve just said to me, "do you know, it really doesn't matter whether you pass or fail."
in my mind, i was thinking, "yeah. i know that. cos it doesn't matter to me too. but the thing is, it does matter to the people who matter to me. and that's what matters. because they matter to me, and my grades matter to them, that's why i'm trying so hard cos i don't wanna disappoint them."
but then Daddy just dropped into my heart that, you know. i might try to numb myself by saying my grades don't matter to me. but He knows that they do, and He knows that it's hard for me.
He also knows that i'm trying for the people who matter to me. and He knows. He knows it all. He knows how hard it is for me to do math. He knows that everytime i open the book and see all the figures, He knows that i really want to cry.
He truly understands that i am just.. just someone who simply cannot understand math. that it doesn't just come like that, with the snap of a finger. it's not that easy for me. and He knows.
but He not only knows, He cares too. and you know what. He knows i care for the people who matter to me, but the thing is, i don't have to worry about letting them down. because not only He cares for me, He cares for them too. and He cares for them more than i do.
all He wants is for me to let go. be it letting go by just resting spiritually, or literally letting go as in giving up. no matter how you let go, as long as you do, He takes control.
and i just know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that when my DaddyGod takes control, everything's gonna be alright. and i will be just fine. because He will look after me. because He cares. because He can. because He will. just because He's my Daddy.
it's impossible for me, i know. but nothing is impossible for my God. nothing is impossible for my DaddyGod who loves me and who is well pleased in me.
You are my strength when i am weak. thanks, Daddy. for being there, as always. and thanks for holding me when i cry. thanks for not condemning me even though i can't even figure out the very basics of poa. thanks for loving me still, even when i swear and curse and throw tantrums. even when i get pissed off at nothing, even when i have mood swings, even when i attitude you. thanks for never letting go even when i slap Your hand away and refuse to accept Your love and help. thank You for never shouting at me, thank You for never threatening to slap me. thanks for never threatening to make me leave. thank You for telling me that i make you happy even when i'm doing the silliest things. thanks for telling me that i'm beautiful every single day, even when i feel as if i'm the ugliest creature that could ever exist. thanks for just being there even when i don't feel like telling You anything, even when i just make You sit there in silence, waiting for me, looking like a fool. but thanks for just waiting, and thanks for still letting me vent my anger and frustrations on You in the end. thanks for keeping all my tears and remembering which tear was for what. thank You for loving me just because. thanks for understanding.
thanks Daddy. really. You're the best Daddy anyone could ever have, and i'm glad You're MY Daddy. i'm really glad. thank You. i love You.
WE WILL DANCE ; 9:58 PM
yeah. this is in Toys'R'us. ((: suntec. haha. i love that cow/sheep thing! omg it is seriously damn cute lah! ((: i love!! ahaha. oh and the second picture is the horrible stevie melons trying to attack me from behind with the gorilla thingy which is ulgy. AHAH. ((:
okay i took this three photos with sam in the audi during BS one friday. ((: yayy. aaiiiii lubbb samm manniieee manniieeex. ((: ahahah.
i love my friends. ((:
` suddenly i just want to post photos. yeah. heh they mean alot more actually. better than words if i might say. (: yeah, steve was right. every picture tells a story.
i really love my friends. ((: more photos soon!
WE WILL DANCE ; 4:23 AM
yes as you can clearly see, that's me and rayner hobuseng trying our best to act nerdy. ((: oh look at our buttons! ((: haha aren't we.. kool? ahahaha!!
eeee. here's rayner and glenn trying to be gay. actually it's just rayner. oh never mind. ahaha! ((:
yes it's us babes. ((: liping, box, and nana. ((: yayy!
yes this is the bestest IS group and we're trying to act like big bosses. hehe. oh and that's our best tutor, samantha. haha yah she's so on right! ((:
yayy okay so this is me and rayner hobuseng doing the superhero pose. i have no idea why he's so fascinated about it but he is lah. ((: ahahah!!
yes. in conclusion, i love my IS group loads. ((: yayy! we're the best IS group! ((:
WE WILL DANCE ; 7:58 AM
yes, today, 10th September 2005, is the day that i turn 17. ((: and can i just tell all of you that i am just so fantastically happy! ((:
hee. thank you, everyone who wished me and everyone who made 9th September 2005 so wonderful for me. ((:
haha oh and yes, this will be a mighty long entry. ((: happy reading!
okay i shall start telling everyone about what's happened since 8th September 2005. ((: [ diana's just so sweet that all of you will be jealous she's MY friend. ((: ]
anyways, Thursday. 8th September 2005.
i was supposed to meet diana and fu an in school at 1.30pm to study. but idiot me went to study the night before until like, 7.45am. so obviously i didn't wake up when i had to.
and idiot me put my phone on silent mode somemore. omg. haha like what's my problem right! ((:
anyways, so yah. diana called fu an and 1.59pm too, and he just woke up. so she was like, forget it. don't come down to school already.
but you know, the thing is, on her way to school, she went to breadtalk to buy a cake for me! ready with fork and even candle, just to celebrate with me cos she wouldn't be seeing me on saturday[my bday itself].
how sweet is that!! and idiot me just like, spoilt everything lah! but you know, God bless her darling heart. ((: she still came all the way down to my house, and left the cake, together with a letter, outside my door!!
omg!! damn damn sweet and wonderful and nice of her! ((: i just love her so much, and i really really praise and thank Daddy for such a friend like her!
can you believe? i spoilt her mood leh, and she still did that just for me. ((: praise God man. this is really undeserved favour!! i am so so undeserving. ((: haha okay moving on.. ((:
Friday. 9th September 2005.
i actually wanted to meet guan earlier at clementi macs to study, but once again, kuku babuseng me stayed up until 8am to study, so i cancelled and just slept. then i got wake-up call at 3pm. ((: thank you guan darling!
so, i washed up and bathed and everything, then i went to date my lovely Ding. ((: [omg she's like my daughter cum sister cum lover. eeyer!! ahaha.] yeah. had a lovely chat. ((: then after that we went to meet the rest of the cg. ((: okay, most.
and we went down to heng's place for cg! ((: yayy nice house!! big and spacious, and the pool downstairs is superdom pretty lah! ((: hurhur. and cg was wonderful too. ((: annointed message and worship. ((: i enjoyed. (:
and after that, i thought we were leaving already.. cos we were all just slacking about the house. and suddenly!! they all started singing happy birthday and i was like omg, cos i seriously forgot it was our birthdays. [larry 0809, ding 1009 and me 1009]. i seriously forgot lah!!
i was quite shocked actually. ((: haha! or should i say, pleasantly surprised. (: yayy! and can i tell you! the cake was like damn damn delicious!! ((: one kind chocolate man! ((: thanks SO MUCH all of NpB cg. ((: much love!
and they even had presents for us!! ((: awww.. (: oh man! they got me that bag lah! oh my mama!! ((: aww!! ((: i was just so so happy that i cried on fun's shoulder! ((: thank you all so much!! (((:
and guan got me the bear!! omgomg its SO cute pls!! ((: hee! (: its bright yellow with bright green stripes and bright orange circles on it. ((: and it has brown arms and legs too! ((: yayy i lurve! ((: thank you dear!!
then, i reached home after supper. ((: and ohhh.. such a sweet mama and jiejie. ((: they bought a cake for me already lah! ((: haha omg chocolate again. (: *thank You Jesus, the more i eat the slimmer i get!*
awww. ((: like so sweet can! ((: and they sang birthday song for me and everything. ((: aww. ((: yesyes Jesus loves me SO much can! ((: yeah, so that's a total of three cakes! ((: i am SO favoured! ((:
oh! wait. Saturday. 10th September 2005.
[all that i type now happened between 12.00am and 3.00am] yeah so i went home and i had cake. haha! ((: thanks mama and jiejie [or should i say.. meimei? ahaha.]
and then, my phone started beeping non-stop. like, really kind. haha. so so many msges! ((: i am so favoured! ((: and on msn, everybody started talking to me! as in like, even those whom i've not spoken to for about one year already. ((:
thank You Daddy i am just so favoured! ((: i was SO happy. ((: i really felt so so loved. (: seriously. ((: thanks again, everyone. ((: thank you all so much!! ((:
and after that, ahaha! hobuseng promised me a tube of our beloved meiji chocolates on monday. ((: and my gege gave me $20!! ((: awww!! ((: damn sweet lah these boys. ((: haha!! yayy! i am so so abundantly loved and favoured. ((:
and tomorrow, i'll be lunching with my dearest BER at bukit panjang plaza. ((: yayy! after which i'll be meeting ding, and maybe a few others. ((: yayy! ((: thank You Daddy for such a wonderful birthday. ((:
yayy! omg. this has been a totally awesome birthday. ((: thank You Daddy, for loving me and showering me with so many gifts and blessing, and so much love too. ((: i really appreciate it so much! ((:
hee. okay!! ((: happybox is going to sleep now! so that i can wake up nice and fresh to meet dearie ber. ((: yayy! ((: haha!
LOVE MUCH TO ALL. (((: * happiehappiehappie.
`thanks, You.
WE WILL DANCE ; 3:51 AM
yayy okay. on tuesday i met up with guan to study, and later on des, fun, blim, sam and steve came to join us. and you know what we did! we all went to calculate our expenses! [starting from friday, cos it started with des, and he got his allowance on friday.]
and just now, i was chatting on msn with GUAN my lovely. ((: and we decided to post our own list of expenses!! ahaha. praise God. He is my Provider and my Portion.
Friday. 2 Sept 05.
gummies - $2
dinner - $2
lemon tea - $1
supper - $10
Saturday. 3 Sept 05.
stayed home all day. ((:
[omg i think i should stay home more often.] umm no. i was just joking.
Sunday. 4 Sept 05.
cab - $12.70
lemon tea - $1
ricola - $3
dinner - $5.10
Monday. 5 Sept 05.
lemon tea - $1
Tuesday. 6 Sept 05.
cab - $5.20
iced mocha - $5
Ramly burger - $4 [guan's too]
Wednesday. 7 Sept 05.
teh bing - $1
which brings it all to a total of... $53!!! omg. hallelujah. ((: Jesus loves me. so much.
well for me it actually isn't that bad. because i get weeklys. which means out of the $50 this week, i've spent like.. $16.20. praise God. ahaha. okay that's like 32.4% of my allowance. (: oh my hat.
which also means i'm left with $33.80 till sunday. ((: Daddy is my Provider. (: blessings bombard me left, right, center, up and down. i am blessed coming in and going out. hee.
yes okay so from this i have learnt that i should just bloody stop taking cabs and buying lemon tea. yah. from now on, i will bus everywhere i go, and always bring plain water from home. ahaha.
yayy. doesn't mean i'm afraid i won't have enough. i'm just being a wise steward of my money. ((: oh actually, i'm not left with $33.80 leh. ((: i tithed and gave offering. ahaha. which means i'm left with more!
heehaa. ((: okay. ((: goodbye to cabbing and lemon teas! (: Jesus still loves me the most in the world. (: yayy.
WE WILL DANCE ; 3:35 AM
I don't go to school alone.
I don't eat alone.
I don't shop alone.
I don't run alone.
I don't walk alone.
I don't cry alone.
I don't sit alone.
I don't study alone.
I don't stand alone.
I don't do things alone.
Because...
My Abba is always with me, by my side, loving me, holding me, catching me, guiding me through all my days.
awww. ((: i ripped that off guan darling's blog. muahahah. yah she still loves me lah. (: ahahah hee. ((: Jesus still loves me.
yeah. i am never alone, even though sometimes i do feel awfully alone. but it's just a feeling. and yeah, if i lived by my feelings i'd long be dead. heh. x) so yeah, praise God for the Holy Spirit in us yah? ((:
anyhow, today was.. quite uneventful? okay so that was my bad but oh well. aiyah actually it was okay lah. haha whatever pls.
so i bus-ed down to meet charissa, and yes, i'm so so sorry darling, i was late again. sighh. Jesus, help. yeah so, and then we took 66 down to little india for choir prac. well, i'm sorry for being racist [so sue me] but eeee. they stink lah, pls! like, omg smelly. yes, no kidding.
anyhow, i nearly died, no i mean, i nearly fell asleep [cos i don't die] cos at first i was sitting beside one of them. and charissa and me kept laughing, and he was sleeping, but he was taking up damn alot of space lah! and we could only talk about in chinese.. omg.
but praise the Lord. soon we reached TCH and those cheena-pok boys all alighted so me and charissa could sit together. and i was saved from suffocation. like, hallelujah. seriously lah. smelly!
okay so anyway, we reached mackenzie at around 7.15pm. ((: yayy. (: and i went to buy teh bing! yayy. charissa went up first, but i accompanied the sister because she wanted to eat. ahaha okay no, it was because i wanted my teh bing. aiyah doesn't matter.
but anyway, so we sat with theresa and nikki. theresa has really big huge eyes. ahahah. aiyah, and then nikki was trying to teach jap and theresa was trying to teach french and i was just.. getting mixed up. ahaha. [ ko-meh-mush-teh! watashi des des!!! ] heehaa.. omg is that right? oh wells. hee.
did you know that when you introdue yourself to people in japanese you have to say "full-stop" after you say your name! and did you know that "full-stop" in jap is "des"? ahahaha!! dude, it's funny man. okay nvm.
then.. yeeeeahh.. i forgot what really happened, but now woman's like supposed to call me jie? ahaha omg. i'm not that old pls! ((: heehoohaa.
aiyah anyways, this sunday. ((: yayy! i am so excited. ((: hee. oh and tmr i'm going to school to study with diana and fu an. emm. do you think we'd study? i hope so lah. oh you know sth! i suddenly had this urge to copy out all the contacts in my phonebook. yes, all.
yes, handwritten. yah and i have no idea why i feel like doing that but i just do, so i'm going to do it now. sorry this entry is like, so crappy but my brain's just not functioning at the moment. eh heh. oh well.
'twas a sad bean.
yayy. the days draw nearer. ((: me are many excitement.
WE WILL DANCE ; 1:48 AM
(: yes, life is made up of choices. (: haha. let me list down some choices i've made this week. [maybe this few weeks..]
bad choices.
- sleeping over studying
- attituding the mother
- rejoicing over the news that POA tutor is sick, so no extra lessons
- not doing enough POA revision because the tutor is sick
- staying up late to do dumb stuff instead of getting proper rest
- buying lemon tea instead of mineral water
- delaying of cutting out my ingrowns just to avoid the pain for now when actually the later i cut the more it will hurt
- being lazy, dumping the clothes all over the room instead of being neat
- still "counting on" diana for part of the BCA final [ahem]
- not being responsible enough to leave earlier when i know it's an important final paper
- was not thankful when breakfast was made for me, just because it was peanut butter and jam, and not plain peanut butter the way i like it
- leaving my table in such a splendid mess until i myself have absolutely no mood whatsoever to study
good choices.
- i decided to extend grace
- did not bitch about whoever because i know over-excessive bitching won't do me any good and will negatively affect my attitude towards the whoever[s]
- cabbed to church instead of taking bus and missing third
- studying over sleeping [only the night before the paper, but at least i studied.] hee.
- buying only what i need and not what i want
- obeying the "curfew"
heh. i'm sure it doesn't take a math genius to see that there are clearly many more bad choices than good ones. (:
but so what! i may have sinned more than i did good, but where sin abounds, grace much more abounds. and this is just the beginning! ((: i'm gonna learn so much so much more! (:
oh yeah, just now Daddy dearest told me a nice little secret. ((: but i'm going to share with all of you. haha yesyes, you're all so privileged. (: hee.
okay, this year i'm seventeen right. and seventeen's five + five + seven yah. ((: and so it's like.. double grace in my life this year [and of course more to come every year] until the day we rapture [reach 7 - perfection]. ((: yayy!
yups. ((: Daddy's just so good to me, i know. (: hah. don't get jealous, you know. instead, open your eyes. and then you'll see, that He's not only good to me, but He's so good to you too! [oh but just that.. He's gooder to me lah.]
anyhow. (: i shall listen to Charissa dearest and use practical wisdom now. ((: i shall go and study. again. ugh, i know. but oh wells. praise God anyway. ((: Daddy loves me, and i study because i already have the good results. ((:
* 5 days more.
WE WILL DANCE ; 7:04 PM
well i was watching this detective show, and this guy, one of the lead detectives yeah. so he had some marriage difficulties. so he and his wife had like councelling yeah.
so the guy's wife kept being unreasonable, and just kept blaming him for every single thing, until they got into this heated argument, and the councellor person had to get them both to calm down.
then the councellor asked them both to sit down and talk things out, and the lead detective was like, "well i don't feel like sitting down. and i don't wanna sit down, because just today i saw this 8 year old girl cut up so bad.."
and the wife cut in and was like "see, you always do that."
and the councellor was like "yes, malcom. you can't do that. you can't bring those troubles home."
and then he said something tha really hit me. he said, "then where else do i bring them?"
i just thought to myself, how true. i mean, home's the only place where you're really yourself, isn't it? i mean, you could be really comfortable with close friends and all, but seriously, you know that deep down inside there is a side of you they haven't seen.
but what happens when you bring those troubles home and the people at home don't accept them? what if.. just what if..
* i love detective shows. ((:
Jesus loves me. and that's all that matters. that's all that matters.
WE WILL DANCE ; 11:11 AM
yayy. ((: this was to be a long entries! so, let we now give our thumbs for bloken engrish. (:
today i is not go for lecture because i was could not wake up! i actually had setted my clock for ring at 7am. but i were so too tired to woke up. so me was go back to sleeping again. diana and bee wong was also late. (:
so me was sleep until 3pm. wow. and i was go bathe, then using the computer. and i were let my mama seeing the russell peters on my laptop. and she was laughed.
i leaved the house at 5pm to met charissa. but the bus was not came, so i am late. then charissa and me took 106, but the bus is real slow. so we was late to go up the stage. also, we is not able to find our seats.
but after that were fine. during worship i were stand between lauren and ashley! (: it were good. (: i was enjoyed myself lots.
during the service i was sat with charissa. we have many funs! ((: laughs at much thing and i does enjoy every times spend with her.
after the service i and stevie melons was go eating supper and i had meet many choir person there. (: haha i am conned stevie melons to bought too many food! and he eats all finished. haha.
and we is took 97 back but was must ran for it. and on the bus we were talked many thing. (: yayy we do reach jurong east in time that stevie melons catched the second last train. praise God. (: and he do got so excited he must to call me and boasted.
yayy. so my today were a happy day. i is wanting to cut my hair. i might be to go tomorrow. me am were to cut thin it, so that i were not to be very hot always. (: also because i does like thin hair.
tomorrow, my IS group is to be meet at PS, but sadly, i were not to be going. =( oh well. there is to be other outings. Jesus loves me.
at night, i is to be going for bible study again! (: 921-ers. ((: i think we am goes for supper. i am love dim sum. (: stevie melons was not be share food again! (: haha. i does love my friends alot. (: praise God.
yeah okay anyways. (: oops. broken english was fun, but its hard man. hahah.. you have no idea how long i took to think that up. (: anyhow, you know, i came up with a few reasons why i always keep falling helplessly in love with Jesus. (:
- because He first loved me.
- because He's not like parents or adults.
- because He's the perfect gentleman.
- because He listens to every single nonsense thing i have to say.
- because He truly understands me.
- because He loves me for me, just the way i am.
- because i never have to be perfect for Him.
- because He always believes me and sees the best in me.
- because He doesn't scold me for no reason.
- because He doesn't put me down.
- because i can act as bitchy, as shitty, as crappy as i want or feel, and He will never let me go.
- because He lets me cry.
- because He cheers me up.
- because He knows what it's like to be me.
- because i'm just so precious to Him.
- because He lets me get all the glory when He did all the work.
- because He's so sweet!!
- because He's so funny.
- because He never condemns me, and He never judges me.
- because He did it all for me. just for me.
- because He is Himself. ((:
thanks Daddy. thank You that You are not like earthly fatthers. thank You that You are not like humans. thank You for ebing so selfless and letting me be so selfish. thanks for understanding, for letting me shine, for loving me just as i am. thanks for always being there, thanks for listening and letting me cry. thank You for just holding me in Your arms when i hurt so so bad. thank You for kissin me on my forehead when i feel so unloved. thanks for making the moon shine for me. thank You for puffy cotton candy clouds that make me happy. thanks for holding my hand when i'm scared, and for always seeing me through. thanks for letting me lean on You when i have no strength left in me. thank You for hearing my softest sigh and rushing to my side just to hug me. thanks for wiping my tears away and keeping them in a bottle. thank You for tolerating all my stinky attitude and for being so patient. thanks for holding my hand when i feel alone. thanks for loving me, Daddy. and most of all, thanks for being You. ((:
((: 8 days more!
WE WILL DANCE ; 2:52 AM