Saturday, February 26, 2005 ;
argh. sorry all. i dont know what's wrong with me lah. but i can tell you one thing. =) i am still officially crazy and happy, so heck every other thing. i'm gonna stay happy.anyways, just wanted to say that i really appreciate everyone. so much. (: heh. i know sometimes its just damn hard to love me. whahah! but then again, i'm so lovable and all.. aaahhhh hah!john: dude! hee.. *sheepish grin* yes i know. i'm horribly unreasonable, terrifyingly mean to you and am such a shithead at times. but through it all, you've been there. and yeah, all i can say is, thanks. biggie. and yah, i may not show it but i love you, you beefy thing you! thanks brother. des: ah you. =) thanks for always being there for me! whether i'm happy, crazy, mad, pissed, sad or blah. i really appreciate you. love lots.guan: precious. =) i'm really glad we got to be roomies. you're just so dear to me. thanks for being there with me too. you're one friend i never want to lose. ever. ((:sam: hey dear. thanks man. i may not be your nicest bestest or most considerate and loving friend, but you do mean much to me. thanks for taking all my shat and crap. you are loved. =)shawn: oei. crazy. please dont drink honey milk tea anymore. scary. anyways, i dont really know what to thank you for but thanks. =0 hahaha. the gan.. uh.. the times we all had together wouldn't have been the same without you.ding: babe. thank you for being there, for caring and for the fun you add to my life. =) love!val: girl, not that you'd ever read this but oh well.. aiyah, i love you lah. and yeah, to think i couldn't stand you when i first saw you. =) and how you didn't like me too! hah! we've certainly come a long way.jo: dear, i so so miss you like ploo. i don't know what that is but aiyah, the point is i miss you and thanks for those crazy chats at like 3.22am and stuff. i really love you lots. i still cant forget your bee adventure. (:charlene: darling you rock! hah! thanks for putting up with my nonsense too.. and for being ever so patient with me. hee. breakfast-es were never the same after you came. =) lovelovelove!asher: HOI!!!!! ah hah. did i scare you? =D yah i know i'm crazy and all, but i just wanted to say thanks for being my friend and for being there for me and for putting up with my sillyness too.. i appreciate you.becks: dearie!!! my gosh. i miss you. =) i miss the times on the bus. i miss crapping and laughing non-stop with you. i miss you, you little sung-moi. whahah! =) love you!shu ying: oei... =( i haven't seen you in a thousand years and i really miss you. thanks yous for everythings. sheena: my baboon! i love you and i miss you and i want to be on the 187 crapping and laughing with you again! thanks for being you, and for teaching me that its not about being accepted. its about being yourself. ber: (((: you have been too patient too kind too nice to me. but i'll forever treasure you. you are really precious lah and i appreciate you like dung. =) no i'll never forget you or the times we spent together, and yes i really love you. =)woman: i hate you but i love you. hah! we're bithches man! but lovely ones and nice ones and good ones. heh. nah i'm kidding. you're the bestest sister i have [cos you're the only sister i have]. ah hah!! but anyhoos, thanks for teaching me so much. =) i like you so much i think i might love you. ((:thanks all of you, for being in my life. (: i know i'm not the best person to have around (at times), but thanks for putting up with me still. err.. those whose names aren't mentioned here. it just means you're not as impor.. hah! joking lah!! so sickening right! what did i say about me not being the bestest thing in your life.. heh. but Jesus loves me, and that's all that matters. =) i love all of you too.
WE WILL DANCE ; 7:56 AM
Friday, February 25, 2005 ;
aiyah forget about it lah okay. nobody's gonna understand this fear because nobody's me. and if i sound like one damn bitch to you.. hey, that's your problem so live with it.
WE WILL DANCE ; 10:45 PM
shit. i admit. i'm scared. afraid. worried. fearful. yes, very very fearful. but nobody would know this fear. noone would really understand. its just that fear that has been built up inside of me over the past dont-know-how-many-years.. i never did well in school.. but trust me, very contrary to popular belief, it wasn't because i didnt try. i did. like dung i did.but i dont know why. i just never did well. maybe what teacher beth said was true. as young kids we were forced too hard.. but if you ask me, i think the reason why i hate math and all.. its actually because i'm just so afraid of it.i was out with guan yesterday. we went to the beach.. after that we went to harbour front, starbucks, and chatted for about 2 hours.. we're both scared. in different and yet the same ways. it really got me thinking. i'm really afraid. on the surface i might seem fine, but the fact is, i'm not gonna be okay! its just.. i dont even want to get back my results. i'm too afraid to look.maybe it really is my fault, that i didnt pay attention in class and whatever. okay, so i'm sorry. so tuition started. class after class, all the teacher wanted was for me to understand. but that's just it! if i understood, why the fcuk would i need tuition for?! oh well, i shant blame any of them. that's what tuition is for i suppose. easy money. right? everyone was just forcing me to take what i couldn't. i needed to go a little slower, but everyone just kept telling there wasn't anymore time. like fcuk i know! i'm the one going for the exam! so blame me. that's all they ever did. all i wanted was for things to be explained, taught to me at a pace i could take. but all they did was force me to do stuff i couldn't. i never needed extra work, i just needed the basics explained to me slowly and clearly, and i would have done the work volunteerily. the reason i never did my work was because i didnt know how to. the reason i never asked was because all they would reply was "i've told you before." so much for help huh. forget it. i'm not trying to shoot anyone. i just wanted to get some load off my mind. it's not anybody's fault, but even if someone reall was at fault, that person'd be me lah. who else right? =) its okay. i understand. anyway i've taken the shit so many times. one more time wouldn't matter. i'm okay. just scared, is all. oh well. it doesn't matter.oh would someone please go with me to collect my results? heh.
WE WILL DANCE ; 10:40 AM
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 ;
hurr. =) you all tag so much i have no space in my tagboard to reply man. anyhoos, here goes:
ashy - what!? why you hoi me so loud?! =]ting - yups then! i'll see ya soon too. (:sam - whahah! i guess that means you were damn bored too! you actually read it all? HAH!! :)))john - yes, that's what i did. =) *smugly* whahah! why don't you find a smurf and ask him? then you'd know for sure. =)hongkeow - !!! ahhh!! i'm missing you too!! :)))) i can't wait for friday! then i can see all of you again! =)) yayness!sherrie - oh trust me, i was! heh, girl.. =) i haven't found anyone with the same first name as me yet! (:anyways, where does everyone get those silly survey thingys from ah? how come i can't find any! -_- hee, yeah i got all those from the friendster bulletin board.. [oops.] whahah! but actually ah, they're really quite fun know. heh i shall do more, but on friendster, not here. (((: toodles people!
WE WILL DANCE ; 8:58 PM
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 ;
oh. =) firstly, i've been up for more than 24 hours. at first it was because i couldn't sleep.. but then after that it was on purpose, because i really wanted to get my body clock back to normal again.
whahah! dont ask me how i survived.. this time, without tea and sugar! what a great accomplishment! ((:
anyhoos, so sorry john and des, my good pals.. =) i feel as if i've conned the both of you! =( awww..
but i tell you all. constantine rocks your socks like you wouldn't believe it! okay, so it may be somewhat blasphemous, but then again, undeniably good. whahah! i bet you my sister will have a whole entry about it, so go and read her blog.
i'm too beat to blog much about anything.. and oh yes, sorry for all the nonsense entries before this! i was truly bored. wheee! but now i'm high and extremely exhuasted, so i'm going to sleep.
goodnight everybody. i had a great day today. thank You Jesus. =)more to come, amen! love!
WE WILL DANCE ; 9:00 PM
Monday, February 21, 2005 ;
i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me.i am a shopoholic.
i love dangly earrings.i love cold weather.i'm obsessed with the computer.
i can't live without music.
i have little tolerance of ignorant people.
i'll be in this town forever.
i get annoyed easily. (sometimes)
i eventually want kids.
i have more than a few horrible memories.
my parents are strict. (depends)
i love taking pictures. (only when i'm in the mood)i hate people who are fake.i can be mean when i want to. very.my parents care about my grades.
one of my best friends is a guy.
i have way too many purses. but more wouldn't hurt. (((:
i am easy to talk to.
if i like you. hee. =)
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily.
i hate when people are late. HATE.i procrastinate.
i love winter.i love to sleep.i wish i were smarter.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.
as if.i love the beach. LOVE!i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend.
i truly love my friends.i have never broken a bone.
i hate my computer.
i state the obvious. when i'm in a mean mood.
i'm a happy person. and crazy!
i love to sing.i love cleaning my room. at times.i tend to get jealous very easily. yups.
i love cute underwear.i have been on the phone for over 5 hours. and more..
i am too forgiving. way too forgiving.i have
horrible sense in direction.
i miss secondary school.
i'm a Daddy's girl.
i love kisses on my forehead.i love the color pink.i become stressed easily.
i hate liars.i can play the piano.
i love the smell of rain.i love my family.i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook.
i can be quite selfish. quite? hur.. more like extremely.
at times, i still act like a little kid. note "at times"..
i have food allergies.
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.i have problems with letting go of old feelings. (that depends.)
i hate being alone. unless i want to be.
i love summer.i love the weekends.i live in a one storey house.
i have bad memories.
i go to church.
i sing in the shower.
i have been on stage before.
i love roller coasters.no one knows my full story of my life.
i don't have a curfew. well, not technically..
WE WILL DANCE ; 7:10 PM
whee! =) i am crazy and that's official. my body clock has gone haywire and that's official too! me, valen and guan are obssessed with camera phones, and that's also official.
the "mi fen" at suntec's kopitiam is nice and cheap. that's official. guan cannot but eat roti prata with her hands and that's official. and guess what! my red bean plants are officially strong and healthy!
i had an officially good time yesterday too. =) though i did not sleep.. wait. was it yesterday? or the day before.. now its monday already. oh right. i meant the day before.
saturday night, i couldn't sleep at all.. [sigh] so i stayed up all night doing silly but creative stuff that my ma loves. =)) then sunday morning i went to meet the people at jurong east.. we went for second.
everyone except me and anjolene was late. officially. hah! :)
while eating breakfast in kopitiam, me and valen went abit crazy and started playing with our camera phones. :)) took ten thousand and one photos.. oh and we met mrs. constance wong in the queue! i miss her! our sec4 english teacher.
yayness! worship was so good! i really enjoyed myself, but sadly i fell asleep at the last part of service.. but its okay. =) i know the special item was really good. :)))
anyways, after that we went to eat at fountain food terrace.. then we shopped a little and went home. i was darn drained already.. reached home, cleaned up, plonked onto my bed and knocked out. until about 1.30am, when i woke up to reply messages on my phone.. then i went back to sleep and woke up again at about 2.30am. whahah!
i might be officially crazy, but i am also officially happy. :))
[smeeshy. out.]
wont you come back? i'd make you as many cans of campbell soup you want, at any absurd time you feel like. i'd make you as many packets of instant noodle and cook you as much luncheon meat and make you as many cups of ribena you want. and i wont complain. please..? i officially miss you.
WE WILL DANCE ; 3:28 AM
Sunday, February 20, 2005 ;
haicks! today.. started out really bad.. i was up at like dunno what time. think about 5+am? then my eye started to itch really bad. yups.. you guessed it. sore eyes.
so end up i didnt make it for the caregroup thingy thingy.. sorry people.. =( whahah! it was so bad i couldn't even open my eye properly.. in the end i slept it away! hah!
after that, valen called and i had this super long chat with her.. yay! after that i went to meet de yan, guan and john for dinner.. =) at jurong entertainment centre.
we ate at kfc. i ate the banditto thingy. =) really spicy (to me, if you dont think so shut up and go away) but i like it. =) whahah! i did something really silly to guan's drink man!
and de yan did something really silly to my cheese fries! whahah! i had fun lah, and how sweet that they came over to jurong to eat withme.. =)
after that, we went over to valen's place. =) ahah! yeah.. we watched a little of Mr. Bean the animated series, then we started watching the Grammy's. whahaha! the "ah ma's"... oh man.
till now i still have no idea why we were all so high.. =) valen gave me a french manicure, though it was quite 'half-past-six'.. =) but i love french manicure can i tell you! =)
yay.. =) haha i'm not serving tomorrow.. so i'll be going for second with those hotdogs. =) yayness!! i miss them. =) amd the worship tomorrow is gonna be real good.
i love all those songs! =) yay! =))) and the special item is gonna be so nice! though it really does sound a little like a lullaby, but its nice. =) its so cute. =) wonderful grace. =) wonderful Jesus. =)
haha anyways, was told not to sleep late, so i shall be off now. =) byeeee! =) i'm happy!
WE WILL DANCE ; 12:06 AM
Saturday, February 19, 2005 ;
darn. dont you just hate it when people who smoke blow the smoke right into your face? man! just how inconsiderate can they get?
i was standing at the bus-stop, waiting for my bus.. and there was this fat bugger smoking there so happily. i moved away silently, and he stood up and moved nearer to me, and started blowing smoke into my face.
i got so pissed off, i covered my nose and coughed damn loud in front of him and everyone. darn him.
while walking through the bus terminus to the mrt station, two guys who were smoking were walking in front of me. obviously the smoke was blowing into my face, so i quickened my pace and overtook them.
they thought it was damn funny and cut in front of me again, continually blowing stinky smoke into my beautiful face. darn them!
i reached city hall and decided to take the shuttle bus. i had to wait inside because it was raining whales and sharks. darn. these two teen smoker guys thought they were so cool.. i was actually standing at the right side, but the wind was blowing their smoke into my face, so i went over to the left side.
they came and stood beside me and started puffing doubly hard. shoots man! can people just stop polluting my air?! gosh.. i was so irritated i "diao-ed" them both.
they sniggered at one another then one of them asked me for my number, blowing massive amounts of smoke once again into my beautiful face. i felt like whacking his face with a baseball bat.
i was like, "err.. no."
then he was like, "why? just be friends lah.."
then i said, "right. and why would i want to be your friend?"
and his friend was laughing at him. praise God the shuttle bus came at that moment. i rushed away from the jerks. horrible. really horrible. i was so pissed! they were blowing smoke into my face non-stop. WTH..
anyhoos.. i liked the worship today. it was good, and i felt so free. =) i liked the service too! heh heh.. i was there in the november 2000 service! =) i just realised how cool that was. whahah!
blah. =) i got a flower from guan today. =) sean was like, "wah lao! up till now still getting flower.." heh. i cant help it. =)))) whahah!
[john] thanks man. you have no idea how much that meant to me. but i still am fearful. i miss him but... yeah. you know what i mean? i know it'll all be okay, but for now.. just be there for me? thanks a bunch man. i love you bro.
*i cried, and Jesus wiped my tears away.*
WE WILL DANCE ; 1:45 AM
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 ;
woah.. i'm so sorry everyone, if i've [actually its not me] sent any of you any horrible stuff via messenger.. for example, disgusting pictures or viruses or what not..
my computer's been down with a freakhead virus these few days, and whenever i go online it'll just automatically send files and stuff to everyone and anyone on my contact list.
how irritating is that?! i am super pissed off, plus my dad won't let me and my sis download any anti-virus thingys. then how! crappy lah..
so yeah, if my computer has sent you any dumb stuff, i'm really sorry. i wont be going online these few days until i'm sure the virus is gone, for everyone's safety.
i really am sorry about all the trouble.. this is so shatty! i'm sorry!
[becks and ashy] wah lao.. why like so desperate to see me get a guy! silly people.. =))) Jesus is more than enough!
WE WILL DANCE ; 12:24 AM
Tuesday, February 15, 2005 ;
Jeremiah 17 : 5 - 8
This is what the Lord says:" Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs int the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, on the salty flats where no one lives.
But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by the long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit.
yup. =) i will be the blessed man, planted by the rivers of living waters. that is what Jesus wants for me too! so i put my trust in Him, knowing that His ways are higher than mine.. trusting in His goodness and love for me.
i know, good things will come my way, and Jesus, You will carry me above even the fiercest storms.
thank You Daddy. =) yes, to reassure myself, i say again. i know You are working something out. something good, better than whatever i can imagine or think of.
i know he is in Your hands of love, and so is the future. and so am i. and my whole family. thank You Lord. he is in Your divine protection. all of us are. and in Your favour too!
ahah!! i have talked myself happy again. yeah, i'm reassured. people.. haha.. expect more of this. i shall be reminding myself more often. you all can remind me too! =)
WE WILL DANCE ; 8:55 PM
Monday, February 14, 2005 ;
i know that things are under control. i know You have already turned everything out for my good, but You know what? i cant stand it anymore. i really do miss my brother. alot. sometimes, to make myself feel better, i spend the whole day in his room and sleep there too. i know that's really dumb but heck. that's my problem. i miss him Lord. i really really do. and now jo's gone too. and i didnt even have the chance to say a proper goodbye. well, that sucked. and i dont know why but i guess it just reminded me of when he left home. i cried in the taxi ride home. =( Jesus.. i miss my dear brother.. so help me and be with me, and love me with Your sweet abundant love.
WE WILL DANCE ; 11:16 PM
Sunday, February 13, 2005 ;
=) the past few days have been great for me. heh, chinese new year.. has been good. =) thanks You Jesus, for the alot alot of money. haha!
friday:
i went to my aunt's [ma's elder sister] place in the afternoon, say 1pm or there about. had a nice time.. =) we ate pizza for lunch and i swear i could have burst. i'm serious. but their pasta thingy is good leh.
then we went back to their place, and my cousin forced me to play computer games with her.. -_- nickalodeon race or whatever nonsense.. oh manz.. after that we all went downstairs to watch 'Finding Nemo'... in cantonese. -.-" hah! nemo is mo zai in cantonese. haha!
after that, my very nice uncle and aunt drove me to bukit panjang plaza to buy a cake fo valen. then they drove me over to shawn's place before driving my ma home. =) they even said i could call them if i had any trouble getting homle, and they would come and fetch me. aww. =) so sweet!
anyways, i was waiting at the void deck for shawn to get home.. while talking on the phone with desmond who was waiting for people at the lrt station. then after that shawn came and we went up..
put the silly heavy cake into hte fridge, then i went to use his computer! whahah! =) wah lao.. he has that cute pig lah! i wanted it eh.. =( anyways.. the rest came.. and we went to eat dinner.. [remember valen and the stupid seaweed chicken?!] we took a long time. then it was cake time!
haha the chocolate was.. hee. i think the cake was worth it lah, though we were all super full.. after that was time for pictures. we took quite a few photos with shawn's camera. desmond, the handy photographer.. =)
hah! then we went downstairs to play with fire sparklers! =))) [blue colour one ah!!] heh then we played blind mice at the playground too! =) and now i have muscle ache. whahah!
i think i reached home at 12+am? haha but i had a really wonderful time with you people. =) precious, all.
saturday (going on sunday) (and sunday early morning):
haha oops. =) was supposed to meet a few of my babes for lunch before D.A.R.E, but when my alarm clock rang, i was just seriously too too too tired.. so i cancelled with them [sorry ah] and went back to sleep after setting my alarm to 12pm. [it was initially set to 10.15am]
then i woke up and got changed and everything.. then i left the house. was actually quite pissed about certain things one.. but i'm okay now. =) and because of that i decided to have a "shopping spree" once i reached city link.
but i think it was quite unsuccessful, as i only managed to buy three tops.. no bottoms, no bags, no accesories.. [wah lao.. shopping spree?! joke ah.] ah well.. i will always be so rich and will get even richer.. so shopping sprees are an anytime thing. =))))
bumped into valen, charlene and debra at six. walked with them to topshop, then they left for briefing and i shopped somemore. met sam and ding at giordano.. then we shopped a little more and me and ding rushed off for briefing.
after everything.. quite a few of us went to the twins [sean and stanley] house for a party.. jo's farewell party and valen's birthday party. okay so i admit i did have fun lah. haha dinner was so fun!
we kept relighting those silly candles that kept extinguishing because of the silly.. okay maybe not so silly wind. whahah! okay fine! so i had a great time lah.
halfway me, guan, desmond and debra walked to charis' place. =) lovely, lovely. truly, truly. =))) haha i love her parents room's ceiling!! =) hee. i love her house lah. and the twins' house too! and my own house! and the twins' neighbours' house! whahah!
and wahh can i say!! i must say so i dont care if you all dont let me say. i will still say!! anyways back to my point.. =) the ice cream cake was so damn good!! wahh!!! =)))) it was so darn good man! =) then me and valen didnt eat the banana chocolate one.. heh.. =) *sheepish grin* [please dont ask what we did with the two slices]
yah.. reached home at 1.20am. =) took cab with guan, teacher elizabeth and desmond. whahah! was a great day lah i must say.. =) anyways, nows like 3.12am.. later have to buy the silly red top for choir. i'll be going westmall.
then will be going to meet charlene and evan my wife at kallang macs. =)
oh by the way! john is back! =)) dude i miss you. =))) hahah!! i want my present! =D [and no, that's not the only reason why i love you.] whahah!! =) thanks johna dn desmond!! for shopping for me. =)) love!
on valentine's day i will be dating guan. and desmond shall be our lamp post. after that we'll be goung down to airport to send jo off and no desmond. i will not cry. [yah right man]
anyhoos. i shall sleep now. =) thanks Jesus! i'm so rich because You're so rich and Ni de qian jiu shi wo de qian! =))) love love!
WE WILL DANCE ; 3:18 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2005 ;
my red bean plants
my red bean plants
in the pot
in the pot
they are strong and healthy
they are strong and healthy
la la lee
la la lee
[sing to tune of "san zi lao hu"]
WE WILL DANCE ; 9:16 PM
whahah!! i grew some red beans in water i think a couple of weeks ago.. and they sprouted and grew leaves, so i replanted them in soil, and everyone said it wouldn't grow lor.. (right, woman? tsk! oh ye of little faith...)
ehh. now they're growing lor. string and healthy lorr. tall and green lor.. ah see lah! still want to say.. =) and then the worst part, is that i suddenly had this red bean growing craze..
you dont want to know where i started trying to grow those stupid beans okay. do you know there are even some in the dumb smelly fish tank! =) whahah!! and ehh, they're really growing eh! i'm serious!
they're germinating already! soon i shall get a new pot and replant then as well. oh man, i should go into beans business! open my own shop lah.. "Bok's Beans!" whahah!!
or worse ah.. "Beany Bok" or "Bokee Beans!" whahah!! oh no! i'm abit mad. drank champaigne with coffee just now, at my uncle's.. he asked me to try one, so not my fault. =) even my dad ask me to drink man. =)
then my uncle keeps giving my ma so many potted plants to bring home because she likes them.. aiyoh.. i tell you, everytime before the plants leave my uncle's house i will say s silent prayer for them.. like what man.. give my ma leh.. no jokes! :)))
=) hee.. but yah, my bean plants.. wah they are very healthy, praise God. =) so nice.. i intend to grow more! so fun leh! =) red bean plants.. wahh i want to buy green beans and plant also man! very interesting leh!
then its so nice to see them grow abit more every single day. =) everytime i look at them they are taller. =) hee! [wah lao. i talk like as if my red bean plants are realy children man. so drama-mama!!!] wheee!
anyways, my uncle is darn cute. so funny! [my dad's sister's husband] yah, he told us so many thigs and made me laugh like mad! =) and he is like in love with the bear hanging from my phone. he was playing with it leh! and he's those kind of big-built kind.. and my bear is how small lah.. smaller than my palm.. -_-" hah!
he's really funny! and i think my grandparents are real cute too! =) i love them alot manz. =) and my aunt [ma's youngest sister] has this really weird but super cute laughter! =) hah!! i had so much fun this chinese new year like you wouldn't believe it! its as if nothing has happened in the family. =)
well, heh that is not exactly true, because something has in fact happened! =) something really really good. =) oh man. i think this entry going to be so super long. =)
ah who cares. =) nobody has to read it anyways. =) i wouldn't care. if you read it i know you love me! mOOahahaha!!
anyway. =) yah, i really am thankful for whatever has happened recently. =) i've actually gotten much closer with my parents, very contrary to what i expected. =) but yes, that's God.. working in all His wonderful unexpected ways, to give us nice surprises all the time. =) hee.
i love Jesus leh!! oh my hat! i love Him like you wouldn't believe it. =) whahah!! but yes, i do love Him. and i know He blardy loves me like whatever man. =) haha!! oh man the english is... haha.. bok, dont be crappy lah!
oh deer, oh moose.. i'm really crappy. =) i want to play fire sparklers!! so fun! bright bright one, then sparkly one! very nice eh! =))) heh heh.. okay lah.. next time then crap somemore. =) hee. i am so pampered by my Daddy in heaven!
WE WILL DANCE ; 9:02 PM
Sunday, February 06, 2005 ;
you know i was just reading Jeremiah 31.. i dont know why.. just flipped there because i stuffed a bookmark there a few weeks ago, "by accident".. =) well, here's what it says:
Jeremiah 31:15 - 20
This is what the Lord says: "A cry of anguish is heard in Ramah - mourning and weeping unrestrained. Rachel weeps for her children, refusing to be comforted - for her children are dead.
But now the Lord says, "Do not weep any longer, for I will reward you. Your children will come back to you from the distant land of the enemy. There is hope for your future." says the Lord. "Your children will come again to their own land. I have hearad Israel saying, "You disciplined me severely, but I deserved it. I was like a calf needed to be trained for the yoke and plow. Turn me again to you and restore me, for You alone are the Lord my God. I turned away from God, but then I was sorry. I kicked myself for my stupidity! I was thoroughly ashamed of all I did in my younger days."
"Is not Israel still my son, my darling child?" asks the Lord. "I had to punish him, but I still love Him. I long for him and surely will have mercy on him..."
prasie the Lord, yes? this is so amazing, so worthy of rejoicing! and you know what? =) the bookmark that was stuffed there says "all things are possible! God will make a way when there seems to be no way." =) am i loved or am i loved? =)
i really know that i know that i know beyond the shadow of a doubt that my brother will be coming home really soon, and that all things will be restored supernaturally abundantly above all. it will be so much better than before people will not be able to believe it, and know that it was only possible because of Jesus.
thank You, Jesus! i know You so love me. =) hee!isn't this just so wonderful? the way He works and all.. =) incomprehensible, but lovely. =) yayness!
[okay.. sorry guan.. i know i should be sleeping.. you still love me right. whahah!!=) ]
WE WILL DANCE ; 3:52 AM
Saturday, February 05, 2005 ;
heh heh.. =) i know i'm loved. darn pampered lah. =) hee. thanks everyone, for caring and encouraging and all. haha yes yes! i'm better already!! =) really.. i'm fine.
no devil can steal my joy. no devil can steal my possesions. no devil can steal my family. no devil can steal my everything. =) i'm really really okay. in fact, very joyful. ahahaha!
you know, caregroup today was so good. i'm really glad i went. hahah *teacher ronnie* wah man. he's damn funny lah..
yes, thanks bren. -_-" $11.80 cab fare from jurong west to little india lah! wah lao.. hahah but yah. ass.. thanks lah thanks lah. if that boy didn't "beg" me, i wouldn't have gone for caregroup.. =) blah!
i reached like what.. one hour late? hah!! i'm SO sorry!! hee! but oh wells.. that's not the point! anyway..
hehe brendan had to come down and bring me up! oh my hat.. maybe i am getting abit too pampered! ANYWAY. =)
zhen was talking about something when we went back up.. then i was like, yah!! that is so true! then zhen was like why? got things to share ah? heh.. then i just spurted out "yah!" gave myself a shock man! =)
then i started to share lah.. that in itself was already a wonderful miracle lah. cos a few days ago i couldn't even just think about it without weeping my eyeballs out.. =) but now, its a great testimony. =)
and like, yah. i know it seems hard when 'huge' problems hit you in the face, to stand so firm as if nothing has happened, but just know that your Jesus is more than faithful.. if He was there for teacher ronnie, and if He was there for me.. i tell you, He will surely be there for you.
be the blessed man. =) look to Jesus and keep your focus on Him always. He will cover you, He will see you through. and staying with Him, you know that you will always have someone to turn to, you know you never have to carry your burdens alone.
Jesus' love is.. indescribable. its just so much more than you could want or need. its just so much more than wonderful. like i said. its indescribable. =)
thank You Lord. friends like these.. i know for sure they're God-given. i know You love me more than i could ever comprehend. and i just wanna thank You. thank You for restoration, thank You for favour. thank You for, you know.. bringing him back, restoring the love that was lost, and for healing every hurt not only in my heart, but also in hte hearts of my family and friends. you know what? =) i love you too!!!
whahaha!! it sure feels good to be confident in victory. =) thanks, Daddy. i know i'm Your precious one forever. and yes, noone and nothig will ever steal that from me!
WE WILL DANCE ; 10:00 PM
Friday, February 04, 2005 ;
i'm better. alot better. =) thanks josh. =) thanks for letting Jesus speak to me through you. i really appreciate it.
God will make a way, when there seems to be no way, right? i gave that advice to someone very precious sometime ago. but i guess we all feel lost when problems come our way.. its natural. =) anyhoos, no condemnation.
but it gets better with people to talk sense into you and help you realise that Jesus actually is there, just that you never noticed because you were too focused on your problem.
and it feels alot better when a friend lets you pour everything out, and lets you cry your heart out even at such ungodly hours.. but its little things like this that make you realise that Jesus does in fact care. and that He was there all along.
so.. i poured my heaat out, cried my eyes out, and felt a whole lot better. =) as in, a whole lot. and yes i know. i will be the impact. i am the light. i will touch, i will influence, i will bless.
but not in and of myself. because of Jesus. He is my favour, my light. He is what holds me together. and yes, there will come a day when i no longer need to just seem happy, but i will be happy. because Jesus is my joy.
"let nothing steal your joy." thanks man, dude. i will always remember that. and everything you told me. you were my impact tonight.
yup, that conversation made such a difference. if it wasnt for you, i'd still be wallowing in self-pity. thank you so much. =)
and of course, thank God. obviously it was You, Jesus.. =) hahahaha.. who woke him up so that he couldnt sleep so that he could talk sense into me. muahahaha! i feel so pampered. -_-
hee. =) yes i'm happy. and if you asked me now, well.. i dont care. i dont care if my brother left, i dont care if his line is suspended, i dont care if nobody cares. because Jesus cares, and He's working something out even now.
yes, it feels good to be carefree again. =) thank you josh. i really really really appreciate it. =) thank You Daddy. =) i know now You were always with me. only i was focusing on the wrong thing.
thank You Jesus, for just.. just being with me. =) You gave me all i asked for and more, as always. =) aaaaaaahhhhhhh my gosh You're annoyingly wonderful. =) *grin* i love You Daddy. =) thank You.
whaha! =) now i'm high. =) wheee!! i am one girl so so so intensely loved by my Jesus. oh the joys of being pampered. =) whheee hee!!
WE WILL DANCE ; 7:12 AM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005 ;
=) haha i just took a bath to freshen up before school. =) yes, school. you're not readong wrongly, and there's nothing wrong with your eyes. =) i'm going to school today. =) yayness!!! i'm going to pioneer junior college. =) crashing lah..
=) whahaha!! finally. school again, and yes, it feels good. =) it feels so good! yayness!
anyways, i stayed up the whole night teaching my brother his physics/math thingy. =) felt good to be doing subjects again after so long. =) wah lao.. all night leh. =) that's why i say teachers nowadays, well, not all lah, but in general.. teachers nowadays do not have enough patience to teach kids!
okay.. i'm not saying i'm such a wonderful teacher or whatever, but.. the point is i didnt mind at all sacrificing the sleep and all that.. i never got irritated.. oh well, perhaps its just because he's my brother, or because i know myself i'm not good at it.. so like i've no right to blow my top or something. blah.. crappy lah bok.
haha..anyways.. =) hee! gotta go now.. will update later about school...! lovee!!
WE WILL DANCE ; 6:20 PM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005 ;
Some people talk and talk
and never say a thing.
Some people look at you
and birds begin to sing.
Some people laugh adn laugh
and yet you want to cry
Some people touch your hand
and music fills the sky.
-------------------------------
Charlotte Zolotow
WE WILL DANCE ; 5:29 PM
