MY HAND IN YOURS ;

Monday, May 23, 2005 ;

you know.. after spending the past 6 mths with church people, i started to assume that the whole world was the same, that everyone would be just as easy to get along with, that everything would be the same..

now, i'm quite shaken. it's as if i got a slap in the face the first day i met my new class. i really had a culture shock. 6mths is a long time, you know.. being aorund church people all the time was like, the norm.

i know change is growth, but sometimes, you just really really want to stay in your comfort zone. i have to admit that i've been wanting to go back to school, but.. i don't know. i guess when i pictured "school" in my head.. it was just different.

i know i sound really childish and all, but seriously. i don't really want to, like, change.

aahhh.. i know that i'll be the impact in my class, i know that i'm the light. but at times it just really doesn't seem that way. so remind me, yes? help me remember that everyday is gonna be even more abundantly blessed than the previous.

oh but you know what's really sweet? when i was walking home just now, i was just being so frank with Daddy. frank to the point that i even questioned Him if He really did love me.. stuff's not been too great see.

and it's like.. the moon wasn't even shining.. and there wasn't a single star in the sky as i crossed the road from the bus stop. suddenly i just felt so vulnerable.. so ready to cry. and i just asked Him lor, like.. you know, Daddy.. do You really really love me?

and i just heard Him tell me to look up into the sky.. my gosh.. full moon lah. and the dark night sky was littered with glittering stars.

and at that very moment right, i just knew that no matter what may be happening now, not only to me, but also to those around me know. no matter what the problem is.. Daddy has fixed it lor. and you know, when i saw the moon, shining oh so brightly, i just couldn't help but smile.

then He told me know.. He just whispered into my ear, that He really enjoys seeing me smile. and at that moment, i knew He was smiling down at me too.

i know that sometimes, all we want, all we need to have a happy day, is to have someone you love just smile at you. i know that. i know how it feels to just want so so much to be smiled at with approval from your loved one.

and i know that it hurts when you dont get that smile, or that hug or whatever. i know it hurts real bad. and yeah.. sometimes i still do hurt. and i still do cry. but just now right, Daddy just told me know, that even if nobody were to love me or approve of me, He'd still be there.

He'd still gather me into His embrace, He'd still be proud of me, He'd still smile at me.

i guess i need time too. time to adjust, time to let His love heal my hurt, time to love others. be patient with me, please? and always remind me that the moon shines when i smile. just cos i'm my Daddy's most precious princess.

WE WILL DANCE ; 10:22 PM