Wednesday, March 16, 2005 ;
sometimes i wonder.. would life still be the same if he hadn't left? would life still be the same if jo hadn't left?would there still be an empty space in my heart? sometimes i really feel like breaking down, God knows why. there's not even a reason to cry, but i still feel like doing so. i feel like screaming my lungs out, like tearing up all my sheets and cases and smashing everything in my path.. i feel like doing what kelly clarkson did in her mtv "since you've been gone". but then again my life isn't an mtv. its like i just want so bad for everything to be perfect again right now, even though i know He has His plans. but it hurts to wait. somehow. i feel like i'm this ship, and there's this small hole. but we're so far out at sea there's no way i can swim to shore. but at the same time, there's no lifeboat, no radio, no help, noone else.. and no way to fix that small hole.
its quite dumb to be crying and hurting for no reason. but that's just how i feel now. its like i want to cry, but no tears come out. i want to pour it all out, but..
someone tell me what to do.. tell me what to say. tell me who i should be. tell me which mask to wear and when. its like i want help but when help comes my way i turn it away hands down. but why? but at the same time its like nobody understands.. oh well. i just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for His reason in His season, because He knows best.
istillhurtandistillbleedbutidontknowwhyandidontknowhowtomakeitgoaway..
WE WILL DANCE ; 3:44 AM
