Sunday, March 06, 2005 ;

this is going to be one long entry.. but very worth reading. =)

Jesus told me "I love you." to me right, that's so much more than just three romantic words to make you go all warm and fuzzy inside.

"I" - God. the almighty, the ruler of all heavens and earth. the highest of high, the reverendest of reverends, the king of kings and lord of lords. yet, my closest companion, my best friend, my Daddy God.

"love" - the greatest gift of all, the thing which erases all fear, that heals all hurt and embraces all ugliness. agape, unconditional, always willing. thinking of me twenty-four-seven, desperate to get my attention, ever wanting for me to be happy.

"you" - me. unworthy, lousy.. nothing.

yet He chose to love me, despite and inspite of my ugliness. He chose to love me, loved me so much He gave me His all so that i would be happy. i didn't want Him, yet He wanted me. He loved me, loves me, and always will love me.

when He tells me "I love you.", i see Him smiling down on me, and my life can be crashing away into nothingness, but three words, and i know that life is still worth the living. =)

i was also thinking about the phrase "for me, You gave." it also means so much more to me than just four si ple english words.

"for me" - He chose me out of millions and millions of people, even people more worthy and deserving than i. when you give someone a present and you tell taht person 'here, this is for you.', means you have thought enough and cared enough for that person to specially give something to her, which shows that you love her and she means alot to you.

"You gave" - God gave me. think about that. it means so much. the fact that He has given you something already shows that He loves you enough to give you something. but this 'something' that He gave us is not just a 'something', it is His beloved Son, worth more than anything, and also bringing with Him everything. see how much He loves? =)

yups, anyways, i should continue my story right.. =) God's chosen. =) yups, when i needed that.. it says right, in 2Peter 1 : 17 that Jesus recieved honour and glory when He heard God saying that He was the beloved Son, when He knew He was loved.

i too, "re-recieved" glory and honour when i realised that Jesus did love me. i stopped smoking, stopped drinking, stopped cutting myself, stopped wasting my life away, because now life was worth living for.

and you know, after all that, the next year, i was in saints. and that was the time in my life i needed to know most that despite all i had done, i was still righteuos, still a saint in Christ.

and last year, i was shifted over to beloved. ((: wells, i admit i was initially abit [abit only k.] bitter about it, like ehh.. why cant i be the one staying in my old caregroup? why must move to a place where i dont know anybody one..?

but Daddy's ways are higher than our ways, and He has His reasons. can i tell you my spiritual growth has shot up so much since i've been in beloved.. i have leant so so much. i have really benefitted.

and just think, if i wasn't shifted to beloved, would i have met becky? would i have become closer to zhen and bren and learn so much from them? would i have gotten the chance to pour out my really overflowing overflow? no.

not that saints is not growing or is not good enough for me. no, i'm definitely not saying that. saints is a really annointed and blessed caregroup. trust me, i know one. =) but its not my right season to be there.

i tell you, if i was still in saints, i really wouldn't have grown so much and learnt so much and matured so much. i'm really glad now that Daddy put me where i am now. He knows best.

this year i really needed to know that i was His beloved. look at all the dung that's been happening to me! the dumb attacks from the dumb devil. if i had not been so sure that i was His beloved, if this had happened to me like when i was in sec1 or 2.. i wouldn't be here anymore lor. i would be dead. i would have killed myself, serious.

things happen for His reason in His season, because He knows best. and i know i can trust Him because i am His beloved and He will surely give me the best and not even second best.

my caregroup's attendance might be poor, but that too, has a reason to it. if so many people come and everyone starts sharing, how would i be able to share?

if i was not able to share, how am i to get new revelations? how would i be able to touch their lives and be an impact and be an encouragement? how would i be able to grow?

in sec2, when we were choosing our combinations.. i did better for geography than literature, and i was so bitter that i was put into my literature class.

but look now. i'm so darn glad my class is my class. how would i have met all these friends if i was in the pure geography class? i wouldn't have met john, then i wouldn't have met shawn and des, then i wouldn't have started to attend teenzeal regularly. sam and ding wouldn't be in church, i wouldn't have met guan..

and, i did so much worse for my geography for my 'o's lah! i got a distinction for my literature.

you ask me does God care. come on. look at my life! its obvious He does. you ask me how come sometimes He seems so far away. i tell you, at that very moment He is carrying you.

as if His grace is not enough to see you through, but i tell you, when you need Him the most, not only is His grace and mercy following after you to help you, He Himself guides you along with His rod and staff, and when you cannot walk no more, He will carry you. i promise.

He loves you, and for you, He gave. (:

He loves me, and for me, He gave. ((:

WE WILL DANCE ; 10:43 PM