Thursday, December 09, 2004 ;

hmmz.. i dont know what i'm still doing awake at a time like this. i'm supposed to meet denise, sheryl, marisha and sister, john i think.. and a few other people to go to marine cove later. charlene, you should come along!

anyways.. was actually planning to go shopping for choir clothes, but me and my sister were like, forget it! we're not going to buy stuff! so we decided to try making. hahaha if we do succeed, i'll try to take photos and upload them. haha..

choir practice was quite fun today. not exactly sure why.. i guess it felt different, even though my throat was giving me a little problem.. but thanks to jaslyn who managed to find fisherman's friend for me, it wasn't all that bad in the end.

man.. i really want my band dinner photos lah. piggy! nas!! jasmine!!! send me the photos! quick!!! hahaha it's not as if i dont miss you all enough as it is. heh.. i'll be sure to visit, just message me the dates of band practice, and i'll try to find time to go down.

lalala.. i have no idea why lah, but lately i've just been addicted to the song "my happy ending". haha oops.. (ding, breathe.. avril's not that bad yah.) i really dont know why! its like, the moment i on the computer, i start playing the song. and i leave the dumb thing running till someone gets sick of it and tells me to shut it off. heh.. most of the time that would be my sister lah.

oh yeah and i've also been catching too much "totally spies" and "lizzie mcguire" on disney channel. is it just me, or is it too much time spent at home? haha i have no idea man. like, gosh i even watch "martin mysteries" on disney channel, and that is like, LAME. hahaha but kinda funny lah.

oh my hat.. what's with me lately huh.. i've been stuck to the computer and television, doing useless stuff and watching nonsense shows. aahhhh... wasting time... blah.. yup. haha maybe i should just find a job.

but i dont want to start working!! well, at least not yet. i mean, so much for freedom after 'o's.. hah. yeah yeah, at least i get to slack at home and all, but its not what i thought it would be like. not what i expected at all. but ah well.. i guess things change right?

and sometimes things are just beyond control. and its just times like these when you really learn to rely and lean on Daddy God, knowing that He's in control is just so comforting. such a sweet sense of silent assurance. and the peace is just ferocious. the kind that clings to your heart and never ever lets go. =) but its comforting.

that's one thing i received from camp. i was glad about that. didnt even realise i was yearning for it all along, and it was causing a hole in my heart. i guess that hole's filled now! =D

another very important thing i learnt from camp is that God will always always touch you if you want to be touched, fill you if you want to be filled, meet you if you want to be met. whether or not you feel it. even if its the very last second before you set foot on the bus to leave the hotel. He will touch you. He will.

i mean, its not as if He hasn't already given up all for you right. everything has been done, every price has been paid. for those who have watched "the passion", that wasnt all Daddy went through for you, you know. it was much, much worse.

the point is that you dont even have to understand. you dont have to get why He did what He did, why He loved you and still does, why He gave His life away. all you need to know is that He did all that just to be with you, noone else, just you.

you know, at camp.. it was great. at first, i felt like i was not receiving anything. and i got really sad, really depressed. i felt that God had forgotten me. i thought He didnt care anymore. but i was so so wrong.

i started blaming everyone and everything... nothing seemed to be going my way, and i felt like crap. i even blamed God.

but He never once gave up on me. He never once forgot about me. He never once blamed me. in fact, He was patient, He was kind, He showed me love and showered me with grace. He reminded me oh so gently about all the stuff i wanted and had already received.

you see.. i was too busy blaming everything and anything to see the blessings right in front of my face.

then, on the third and last night of praise and worship, He fell on me mightily like never before. it was quiet, but it was powerful. His shalom peace crept into every nook and cranny of my heart, and then i heard His still small voice whisper to me that i am a success in every single aspect of my life.

it repeated itself over and over again, until i was so convinced, so sure of my vicory in Christ, so firm in His word. i was so amazed. He really truly gave His best when i did nothing at all. all because He loves me.

well, i love Him too. =) i've got His peace and joy embedded deep in my heart, and that's something noone can ever ever take from me. its there to stay for eternity.

Jesus loves me.
~BOK~


WE WILL DANCE ; 5:11 AM