Tuesday, October 05, 2004 ;

why am i awake? why am i awake? why am i awake? why am i awake? why am i awake?

maybe i shouldnt take mr. kamal's advice on the afternoon nappie thingys. sigh~ i have no idea what to do now. and i dont even know what subjects we're doing later because i dont have my time-table. its with deborah/sheena. sigh i forgot to collect it lah. sigh.

God! maybe now's a good time to complain?

God! i really need you! look at my results? they suck sh*t! seriously! i know i should trust in You, and that my life is already perfect in you. but Daddy iits hard. its really hard. like, i shouyld know. i'm going through it right now.

i really dont know what to do! somehow i cant seem to sit my butt down and mug. dont evem talk about mugging. i dont even want to touch my books. i dont want to go to school. i know its all for Your glory. i do want to glorify your name, but God...!

help me, really. its you or nothing. You're all i can lean on. there's noone else. look at the world. how they stare at me. how they ostracize. they critisize. and God, it hurts. i hate it, really i do. sometimes i really feel like breaking. i feel like i'm going to burst. and...

sigh. sigh sigh sigh. maybe i just need to pour it all out. but then i dont think i can take much more of this. i feel like i just wanna escape. escape from people, criterias, expectations.. the world. i just wanna be alone, be myself, not what people want me to be.

God help me. i just want to be loved, accepted for who i am. thank God for New creation church and teenzeal town. i really really love church. really.

but God, why? just one question. why?

crap.

i need to sleep now.

~BOK~


WE WILL DANCE ; 2:43 AM